i took the pills and im falling asleep and i hope i never wake up again
I’m so tired.
I cant keep my eyes open.
Tired I’m so tired.
I wasn’t always this tired.
But fighting a war by yourself
can do serious damage.
Laughing until I cant breath.
Smiling till my cheeks hurt.
Yelling and Screaming at stupid jokes
until my throat feels raw.
Watching stupid Lifetime movies
with unrealistic endings.
This is happiness to me.
I only feel it with one person.
No they aren’t a spouse.
They are my bestfriend
and god do i love her.
She is the reason im still here and breathing.
She is my happiness.
God i hope she never leaves.
Letter to my mom.
Dear Mother,
I try to defend you to EVERYONE who said you were a terrible person.
I defended you even after you beat me and forced me to walk across town
to my grandparents neighborhood at 10 at night
i was in shorts and it was snowing out.
I am choosing to go get help for myself
and you tell me im “running from my problems”
I tell you that you can just lose me for 6 months to a year
or you can lose me for the rest of your life
and you call me a ***** and say
“suicide is stupid.”
i fucking hate you so much.
I will never defend you […]
“Why do you love me?” I ask him.
“I, I don’t know I just do.” He reply’s while staring at his phone, and ignoring me.
I guess he didn’t really love me, because a week later I saw a text pop up on his phone.
It said everything I needed to know to prove he didn’t love me.
This basically is my letter/poem thingy to my ex because I will never be able to say these things to her.
I hate you simple as that.
I hate your stupid smile.
I hate that dumb little laugh you did
when we were drunk and I went to kiss you
and missed your lips by an inch
I hate every goddamn thing about you.
AND GOD OH GOD DO I HATE
THAT YOU LEFT ME AND LET ME WONDER WHAT
I DID WRONG BECAUSE YOU KNEW I WOULD
SIT IN MY ROOM AND LAY IN BALL AND REPLAY EVERY WORD
I SAID IN MY HEAD
OVER.
AND OVER.
AND OVER AGAIN.
Just trying to figure out what I said that […]
My family said it has been really lately when I leave my room to eat dinner with them or watch a show with them.
It just suck because i only do that so they don’t ask so many questions.
I want to be 6 feet under ground
With flowers on the surface
Because i’m so fucking tired of
Waking up tired
I took all these pictures on the bus on the way to school except a few and they are my quotes so yea go crazy guys use them if you want
Nothing compares to the guilt I feel when i watch my 2 little sisters
Spin each other on a swing and laugh
and yell and say “come swing with us!”
The urges get so strong
they take me over
I black out but I can see myself reaching for the pills
I can feel them as they pile up one by one in mouth
I can feel how hard it is to swallow them
And i feel the disappointment when i wake up the next morning
and realize no one wants me, not even death
12 is when my friends got their periods and first boyfriends.
12 is when i got depression and razor blade scars.
I guess I got the same things only in different forms.
Fuck every bad thought i EVER had about myself
Fuck everyone who doubted me
Fuck the girl who took my heart and held it for so long only to crush it into 2 unmendable pieces
Fuck the boys who just used me to make themselves feel better
Fuck the guys who made me think it was okay to expose my body at 12
FUCK the boy who took my virginity on a blow up air mattress in a house under construction
Fuck the girl who forced herself on me and exposed me to sex in any form at […]
I’m a mess. I want to be fixed I am willing to try one last time. If it doesn’t work, if i cant be fixed then ‘im ending it. So while i’m not mad or anything i’m going to write my letter.
Dear Everyone at my school,
I was in the search for the GREAT MANIFESTO! I suppose if you are reading this then i found it. I dont want to die and be remembered as the overly hyper girl in class or the girl who sat in class and did nothing. I want to be remembered as the girl who… well i am not sure how […]
my teacher who is only like a few years older than me (first year teacher straight out of college) is basically the only person i can talk to and i eat lunch with her everyday and idk i just idk she basically is my only friend and she considers us more friends than anything else because we have so much in common
i lost my virginity tonight to a boy i dont really like and dont know. He likes me though, honestly sex isnt all its cut out to be. Like i just dont really care anymore about anything i didnt even care when i was bleeding. I was numb but moaning just so he thought everything was okay. I had a list of things to do before i kill myself and that was the first thing. Now im one step closer to feeling okay about dying.
what mistake did i make in the first place? Cutting? Or not cutting deep enough?
fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckwhyamisuchafuckupfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck
I am a body dysmorphic without the dysmorphic. I am a bulimic without the sick. I am fat.
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