So..today I had a panic attack in the middle of second period today..I hate it, I hate having anxiety. I know others must hate it too, it like ruins things so know I m on meds to control it but my dose needs to be higher cause it isn’t working anymore and my anxiety is back like it was before without them..Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh meh meh*dying whale noises* I also have bipolar disorder meh and borderline personality disorder..Meh *More dying whale noises* But if everyone else can ‘live’ with it I can too :/
When I’m gone from Pitch Perfect“When I’m gone, when I’m gone. Your gonna miss me when I’m gone”
Or at least I hope you will. I hope that once I’m gone you see the good thing we shared.
I thought you would be the one who actually cared
But I guess not
There is a feeling in my chest of emptiness
Did you cause it? No..no you did not.
It is all my fault..Everything is my fault
I am always to blame..I am sorry
I am sorry I cry, I’m sorry I cut
I’m sorry I even lie..yet I have to
I have to hide how […]
Hey everyone..I haven’t posted in a while..So yeah..I found out along with my severe depression and anxiety..I’m bipolar and they can’t even diagnose what stage because of how fast my mood changes. Plus I am on the boarder line of having a personality disorder like split personalities. So I am on mood stabilizers and anxiety meds..I guess they kinda help, they just make me really sleepy is all I know..I also found out that I’m pretty much disabled from having all my problems with my mind and my nerves and all this other stuff so that is just great, I found that out today..I also […]
*Holds up a Lego movie cup with coke a cola in it* Here’s to my family..the people who have just confirmed that they don’t care if I’m left alone at a house for hours on end while they are out working for no reason or having fun while I’m stuck at home wondering why they are gone so long when they said they only were going to Home Depot..but hey things just “happen” am I right? Yeah whatever…So cheers to them for making me feel even more unloved and not cared bout..My mama even told me they only thought bout me once to see if […]
We are all just pawns in the play called Life ~
The pains of it cut’s the act like a Knife~
We will all end up husband or wife~
In this play called Life~
Act one is the child, banning out all drama~
When they get hurt they call to their momma~
Then at night they get cuddled up in their pajamas~
In this play called Life~
Act two is the love struck teen~
Pain in love is on the screen~
Envy fills their eyes, the color green~
In this play called Life~
Act three is the grown adult~
I believe they […]
Time for sleep
Lets rest our head
And look at the new cuts that bled
Time to sleep a certain way
So the burning goes away
The next day we wear our sleeves long
To hide the scars and cuts
When one gets touched you wince in pain
Hiding the fact it hurts
So no one acts worried
Later the one you love see’s the cuts..
They plead for you to stop
You promise to try
But with all the stress you break it
Then read the Cutters Lullaby
The cycle starts again
I hide behind a smile, a fake self if you will. This self is the one I use when at school around friends who don’t know my secret and around family who will judge if they knew. This self has a smile, a retched smile that sickens me even to look. This smile makes me seem as if I’m fine, that nothing troubles me. However the smile may fade and my true self has shown, just a bit at least then I fear..I fear those who don’t know has seen my darkened colors then the smile appears again as something ‘funny’ happens and I realize […]
Facebook status update box:
“What’s on your mind?”
What’s on my mind? Well here I’ll tell ya..I have so many things on my mind it hurts, it makes me stressed. Plus stress and depression don’t mix. I have been trying not to cry all day so instead I ripped open my skin where it was healing from me cutting myself last week because the main person I talk to to cheer me up was either, busy, playing games, sleeping or his internet was acting up. So I broke almost a year of not cutting because of all this shit. Plus! I have had panic attacks worse […]