Author

Thisisme21

Talk to People

by Thisisme21 7/25/2015

written by Thisisme21

I’m telling everyone about this. I have support coming to me from all different angles. I’ve never felt as loved as I do now. The last period of my life I was suicidal I kept it all to myself whereas this time I am sharing my suffering and it feels good. I am showing I am imperfect, I am accepting support and advice. I have let my guards down.

Day 3 of my meds today, I am actually feeling pretty good this morning apart from I still have really bad insomnia – only 3 hours sleep or so last night. It’s the rolling around waiting for […]

7/25/2015 3 comments

Still Here

by Thisisme21 7/24/2015

written by Thisisme21

Day Three of this forum. I have got some anti-depressants also typically prescribed for people with PTSD. I think that pretty much sums up what I have. Extreme anxiety, constantly stuck in ‘Fear’ mode – fight or flight.

I’ve fought the system for a long time, I’ve been anti-medication but I am honestly grateful now hopefully for a bit of relief. I know the meds come with potential side-effects and I am already experiencing some nausea but hoping that in the long run the good outweighs the bad.

I am also going to have some counselling sessions set up for me. So let’s watch this space. For […]

7/24/2015 0 comment

Doctors appointment today

by Thisisme21 7/23/2015

written by Thisisme21

Second post. Spent all day yesterday planning my death if my trip abroad didn’t work out. Realised it was really bad.

Realised I have to go on proper meds or I will do it. Am not afraid of death but don’t want to fail at it and think the process would be uncomfortable.

Cried and cried and realised only answer was to get proper help. Went in first thing to docs to book an appointment and said it was urgent. The receptionist asked me how long I’d had symptoms and I said depression a long time suicidal a few months now. I thought she would realise this […]

7/23/2015 8 comments

Hello – first post

by Thisisme21 7/22/2015

written by Thisisme21

It can’t hurt to post :). I’ve been suicidal now for a few months, and have come to accept it as where I am now rather than resist it. It has guided my decisions, I am off abroad to do wwoofing with someone that I have been in and out of relationship since I knew him. Truth is that only now that I am at my worst can I see his true beauty and see how much I love him. He loves me completely too but so much that it scares me cos I don’t feel I deserve him. He even loves me now when […]

7/22/2015 2 comments