New to broaching my mental state (this is the first and only place outside of my own head) and my question is why is the thought of and planning of kms is so much less intimidating than discussing my mental health, current difficulties and disappointment with the world with anyone real? And that’s disregarding the difficulty of the process of changing mindset and improving one’s situation after the initial step. As in I know that death must be a bigger deal than a common conversation but when it comes to it I just can’t convince myself. I’m not at risk of dying as of now […]
I don’t know what or why…what do I want, why do I do? There’s an illusion of self assurance, I’m assertive, so far high achieving but lost. Studying at a world leading university but now I flounder. Not necessarily because what I do is pointless or hard -often it seems both- but because what do I want to do in life? Medical difficulties compound the work difficulties, a perpetuating cycle of mounting stress. A look at what I enjoy…the activities and hobbies seem so unimportant but they’re still more fulfilling than the hollowness of academia or a “cog job” where I don’t really matter. Consumption […]