I had a dream last night where I was cutting myself with a butcher knife, and that I took a really long, serrated knife to cut myself with. The truth…is this a psychotic dream to have? Or does it just come with the depressed territory, so to speak? Obviously, I can’t ask anyone else…
Any tips on how to make myself throw up after a meal?
Magic and beauty exist only in stories. Wishes don’t come true. Disappointment is the only thing that I can taste on my tongue. My one hope was crushed. Each breath is a force to get out. Each day is a monotonous cycle of meaninglessness, sameness, seconds turned to minutes turned to hours turned to ash. I am driving myself mad with my rituals for everything-I have to perform them and they make it so hard to do anything. For some reason, I feel so distant from my family (I have no capacity for interest in other people’s lives)-not from anything they have done, but I […]
My family does things on weekends in autumn/winter and I don’t like doing them so I end up spending the entire day alone in my bedroom. I hate Sundays. I wish I had a friend to spend the day with. I literally wish I could hallucinate up a friend so that I wouldn’t be so lonely. I HATE being different from my family!!! My “mild OCD”: any idea what it is? I have to wash my hands a certain number of times and in a certain way, I have a bedtime ritual, I am compelled to find certain patterns with all numbers I see, it’s hard […]
My misophonia’s really bothering me. The other night I couldn’t breathe and I felt like crying because of how a family member was eating popcorn. They noticed so I had to lie. And spoons clinking against bowls-I can’t even breathe or concentrate when I hear it! Or when I hear people eating chips really loudly or cereal! It makes me feel bad that I feel this way. I don’t want to find them disgusting. How does misophonia even come about? Does anyone else suffer from it?
P.S. At dinner, I’ve had to covertly cover my ears or find excuses to leave. 🙁
I’m sorry for rambling all the time. Just–my dad doesn’t want to do anything fun when my sister is at college. My sister is with friends at college right now having fun, and a friend gave us baseball game tickets and my dad didn’t want to go-we went when my sister was with us though. On a better note, I was able to read 40 pages last night for the first time in weeks! Yay me. Going on a day trip tomorrow and I know I’ll feel guilty at the end of the day for eating unhealthy and not exercising and for the trip ending […]
I’m not a real person because I am going crazy inside with my depression that no one can see. I am not a real cutter because I don’t cut every day (most of the time). I’m not a real anorexic because my BMI is technically normal. I don’t fit in completely with the extremely poor because I am no longer homeless. I don’t fit in with the rich because I am far from rich. I don’t belong in my family because I have different tastes in music, books, movies–I haven’t told them my real likes because I’m afraid of rejection: they think the sorts of […]
There’s so much I want to say. It’s literally stressing me out. I am 15, and I am world weary. I am a zoo animal trapped behind glass, never existing with the world. Always apart. There are people living right now, but I can never exist with them. I have no motivation to do anything anymore. I am a pathological liar. I have misophonia. I am SO insecure. My family used to be homeless, and I feel guilty that we aren’t anymore. I feel like a fake-I suck at being normal; I don’t fit in with the misfits. I think I have mild OCD. My […]
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