Author

voidzfan21

Reflecting on a toxic situationship

by voidzfan21 5/7/2022

written by voidzfan21

In summer 2021, I was in a horribly dark place. I couldn’t even get out of bed and cried every day. By august 1st, I had met a guy. I met him on bumble bff. I had just spent the last 6 or so months engaging in degrading hook ups and trying to find ‘love’ and has given up. I was his perfect target.

I’ve been diagnosed with BPD and told that I possibly had autism according to a few therapists I had seen before, so basically when it comes to dating, I get obsessive with people and idealize them, on top of […]

5/7/2022 2 comments

Before the new year?

by voidzfan21 12/30/2021

written by voidzfan21

12/30/2021 0 comment

I no longer have the will to live

by voidzfan21 11/25/2021

written by voidzfan21

I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, I can’t go a day without crying or wishing I was dead. Realistically my circumstances aren’t the worst, but if that’s true that means it can only get worse, not better. There is no light at the end of the tunnel. It will not get better (for me). My brain is broken and it always has been, only getting worse as I get older. I’ve never been a habitual self-harmer. Usually, I’d do it like 3x a year at most and now I’ve done it twice this week and want to do it again today because I […]

11/25/2021 0 comment

Am I finally reaching the end?

by voidzfan21 11/24/2021

written by voidzfan21

Less than a week ago I was released from a psychiatrist hospital. I cried and thought about dying as soon as I got home, regretting not having died already. Two weeks ago I messaged a crisis hotline and they told me to sleep it off. I woke up depressed and suicidal.

“It gets better”, they say. I wholeheartedly believed it from when I was 14 and now I’m 21, and sometimes I do have moments where I think it can, but I feel like I’m inching closer to death every day.

I’ve been crying almost day since the end of June. […]

11/24/2021 0 comment