I no longer have the will to live

I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, I can’t go a day without crying or wishing I was dead. Realistically my circumstances aren’t the worst, but if that’s true that means it can only get worse, not better. There is no light at the end of the tunnel. It will not get better (for me). My brain is broken and it always has been, only getting worse as I get older. I’ve never been a habitual self-harmer. Usually, I’d do it like 3x a year at most and now I’ve done it twice this week and want to do it again today because I don’t how to cope. My life is a joke. It’s in pieces and it’s irreparable. All hope I had up until now has vanished completely. I wouldn’t wish the way I feel on ANYONE, not my worst enemy or past abusers, not Hitler, not even a serial rapist. I don’t know how I’m still alive and every waking moment is full of agonizing pain, fear, and feelings of worthlessness, shame, and regret. I might not end my life today just because its a holiday but I feel like this could easily be my last day on this planet and I’d die happily knowing the suffering is finally over.