im not suicidal atleast i dont think i am anymore….?
idk
but every now and then i come back here to look into my old thoughts
could be just to feel what i did at that moment or to wonder what wouldve happened if i had stayed in that place or left it like i planned i would.
unfortunately i have had thoughts creep back but it hasnt gone to the extreme it was before. i hope i never go back there. wouldnt wish it on anyone either. not sure why im writing this so thats all.
I have done everything i wanted to do.
I got a decent job.
Some materialistic desires.
The guy.
Money.
And repect?
Its not enough. I dont feel anything. In fact i feel worse.
Instead of climbing out of the hole im just making it deeper.
Happiness is so unobtainable, I would have higher chances of caressing the wind with my fingertips than to ever feel happiness.
I haven’t done it yet.but I’m still thinking about it. Not as much as a few weeks ago but still… I don’t know, some people just aren’t cut out to live a long life. I always did say I was going to die young.
Who knew that your worst enemies are the ones you’ve spent your whole life with. The ones closest to you. Who you’ve love to death and learned from. Who you’ve trusted the most. Who would’ve guessed they would be the ones to cause the most destruction in your life. Sometimes when you are at the peak of self-destruction and just need a push off the cliff.
Wow, off topic right?
Well if anyone needs a cheer up, Bleach is on Netflix. Also a lot of other anime.
I don’t know when.
I don’t know how.
I don’t know where.
But… I do know why.
I must pick up the pieces
And Put them together
Make sure all the cracks are concealed
So they stay out of sight
The audience must be pleased
Even if I’m not at ease