I miss Sinine, she always cheers me up when I am feeling down.
This is what I want, true love.
I writing a post but I don’t know who its for.
I want to talk to someone but I haven’t met them.
I want to converse but I am alone.
I want to share my feeling but I don’t know what they are.
I want to feel good about myself but how do I control how I feel.
I am looking for something but I don’t know what it is.
I want someone I can share the void with but is their anyone who wants to share it with me?
ILU Ruins
So It has been 8 days since I started to try and change my view on the world and my life. I have decided to stop playing games as a hobby and instead I am going to do something else. I haven’t figured out what it is yet. 🙂
I did my core work today, meditation, some study and research into AI algorithms for path finding.  All in all it was an ok day. I don’t have much to do because I have a week off to study for my finals and I guess I’m just trying to get into the swing of things. Studying is so […]
I was making a presentation today for a job interview and I came to the conclusion that I don’t really care about it. It doesn’t matter if I have the best job in the world, or if im smarter than anyone else. If im alone then I am the loser in the end.
So I am going to organize my life around the correct priorities. So no more games. they just numb the pain of being alone. This site is kind of doing the same. I spend a lot of time here and I guess its probably not the best thing for me. I should be going places and doing things. Which is very […]
I just need to get some things out.
I just want someone. Not an online chat but an actual person to care for. I know that people like to have their freedom and that getting tied down is a the worst thing that can happen, but its just a load of male testosterone bullshit. I just want someone I can care for. Someone I can tell anything, ask about their day and hold them forever.
If I wasn’t me this wouldn’t be a problem. All of my friends are in relationships even the weird ones. Well im weird too, but I mean the really weird ones. Sometimes I just want to escape, […]
Hello SP
Today was day 3 of my new outlook on life. I got up early, had a shower and went to college. I destroyed my lecturer in a game of go. Then I had to do two separate presentations, which thanks to the breathing techniques I learned online went really well. Which is amazing for me, because social anxiety is one of main problems. So presenting to a room with 70 people and knocking it out of the park is like the greatest thing I have done in ages.
I may be  exasperating my success a bit, however I would rather be over joyed than self deprecating. So I […]
So I have decided to start a progress journal that I shall update on here.
Everyday I hope to post what I tried to make better and how I conquered my fears.
Today I did a presentation to my digital media and design class on a business plan we had to formulate for some random business idea. I had to get over my stage fright and just do the presentation. It was awesome, once I got started I was away and I forgot about all my fears.
I also did some corrective writing today, I have very bad hand writing, because I am a coder. So I decided to start spending […]
I wonder why I still come to this site, I feel I am draw back to it everyday and I don’t know why. Why does this place mean so much to me.
I guess it doesn’t matter.
All I know is am fucked up. I know I am and I can admit it. I finished all my work on Friday and all I did was play games for the weekend. I just sat in my apartment and played m+b for 12 hours Saturday and Sunday.
It then dawned on me this morning that I am wasting my life. When I play games its interactive yes but it is not real. It does […]
Hello SP Community
I stumbled across this website in the past and I have read many of the posts. The stories have always touched my heart and some of the poetry is amazing.
However I return to you now not in search of tragic words but to post some of my own.
Recent events in my life have been difficult to deal with and I need somewhere to focus my attention.
People I have loved and cared deeply for have left me and I don’t know why. So I guess I am looking for answers in the place of wounded people.
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