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i know he offed himself…but I’m still convincing myself he’ll come back and send me another e-mail, say “I love ya sis” one more time…butt he won’t…but I still hold on to this sliver of hope….
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Hi guys. I just wanted to see how everyone was feeling these days. I’ve been really busy lately with school and marking. Not much time to logon lately. I won’t be on much for a while. A math teacher recently had a baby, so I had to take over her classes. The students are good kids. It’s great to be teaching full time again, but it really keeps me busy. Please don’t give up hope.
Dave
but soon. i’m ~30. this is a long time coming. it’s been in the back of my thoughts as long as anything else at this point. i guess it just got to be where i was impossibly tired of failing at getting better, not hurting people by being unstable, etc. i always felt too much of an obligation to my family/friends/significant others, or just got scared. the utter frustration of repeated failure eventually ground that fear down. it’s a relief! it’s the first thing that’s made sense in a long time. the only odd thing about it is the surreality of getting one’s affairs in […]
I got drunk. Shame on me
I snuck out. Shame on me
I cut myself. Shame on me
Eating Disorder. Shame on me
I’ve made mistakes. Shame on me.
Well, now I’m ashamed. Now I’m worthless. Now I’m alone. Now I’m a burden. Now I want to die.
Everybody makes mistakes. Shame on YOU for judging.
Everything I do I end up quitting or giving up on. I have nothing to live for. I mean what is the point. I see a lot of people happy and I see great potential in them to have an amazing life. As much as I wish I could be like them I’m just not and I never will be anything. Other than my family a few close friends I don’t even think people wold care if I died. And I really want to die, but I’m not going to kill myself for two reasons. One, I don’t know how/too scared to do it/don’t want […]
it’s become evident that as of now my life is not worth living. i am miserable, lonely, and i cant afford to wait years, months, or weeks for my life to get better. i’ve been waiting for as long as i can remember. the only thing that i’ve learned from mental hospitals is that committing suicide is a selfish act. but isn’t it selfish to force someone to live in pain and agony day after day when they just want to die? i’m lonely. my dad is moving out of the state, my best friend only cares about drinking, and guys only use me for […]
I am so freaking awesome Is what I tell my self when I wake up….
I go Througth my day repeating this phrase eating on every word
And it helps
Till you’re eyes become filled with tear
Then you say ,about five times, fuck being depressed I am fucking awesome.
It helps for an hour or two
Then the words become meanaless
Then you add some humor
And repeat the words I am so freaking awesome
I bet no tears will comeback that day
Your fucks in life will not be giving ^^
Repeat daily …it will help for a while
Dad constantly hugs me, kisses me, messes my hair *affectionately*, rubs my face with his hands, the same hands he used to hurt my mum. Makes me feel SICK.
He constantly calls me, last thing at night, first thing in the morning.
Whenever my fon beeps “is it mom?” no dad its my friends lauren. Whenever im texting somone “are you texting mum” any word from mum? G’on text mum for me. Makes me text stuff to her I don’t want to say
My position is that I am lying. Constantly lying through my teeth. I don’t love him, don’t want him back, I HATE HIM DISPISE HIM, […]
Hi, my name is Tyler… I’m about to turn 16 in July… I’m exceptionally gay… Which means that I’m gay with one person in my life who is an exception… Her name is Koral… Her and I dated for what would have been four months tomorrow… She broke up with me last Monday… My life has been hell ever since… She claims the reason for her breaking up with me, is that she used to have a feeling for me before we broke up, that she would always want to be around me physically, and she would get excited to talk to me, and be […]
Hi, this post is just about me and why i decided to join. its not some inspirational story to make you change your mind. just me and my experiences. I joined cause I needed someone to listen who understood or could relate.
It all starts with my brother, we were insepreable as childeren and got along fabulously, but as soon and me moved across the country and we had to make new friends we stopped talking. he bacame an athlete I became the geek, (cliche i know) he had all the friends I spent elemetary with none. After a while I became very angry at everything […]
I think I am indeed going insane. In a heartbeat I’ll be gone from being numb to aching for a blade in my hand. I cut but I don’t understand why – I don’t feel anything. 50 times last night and I don’t feel anything. I was going to make myself homeless, but even any benefits I could’ve gained from that would’ve gone out of the window now. There’s nothing I can do to make my life worth living. So I’ll just sit here until I go completely insane or I slit my wrists, either way, it isn’t going to end well.
Due to the […]
I’ve been feeling better these last few days. Don’t really know why. Part of it is that I have been communicating with people a little more, though only through email, and I’ve felt a little less isolated. It’s strange though, even when my mood improves a bit THAT can turn into a source of anxiety as well. I wonder when it will get bad again, wonder if I just haven’t climbed to a slightly higher perch to drop from next time. I start to dwell on this and it’s like a weight growing on my back and I can feel my limbs getting tired. If […]
 Are not my days few? cease then, and let me alone, that I may take comfort a little,
Before I go whence I shall not return, even to the land of darkness and the shadow of death;
A land of darkness, as darkness itself; and of the shadow of death, without any order, and where the light is as darkness.
Verse just kinda spoke to me…figured it probably would make sense to some of you on here too.
I’m so tired of being me. I hate myself. I hate not going anywhere because I’ll just panic. I’m just so fucking tired of fighting every day and for what. I wish I was brave enough to end it.
Trust.
Just 5 letters.
A simple word.
But it’s not quite simple to trust.
I can’t trust anyone, even not myself.
I will never trust people for 100%.
Actually, I always had effort with trusting people, but after the times people used and harmed my trust so many times, I know I’ll never trust people for 100%. I never trusted people very quickly, but after everything that happened, it’s a miracle when I trust someone a little bit.
Trust is a word I don’t really like to hear.
It’s a word that’s much more difficult than you would think.
Does trust actually exists??
I’m a teenager, and I don’t know if I’m the only one who has noticed how “suicidal thoughts and actions” for example cutting ect. Has become for of a trend than an issue. People are uploading picture of their cuts or of failed suicide wounds practically everywhere for some sick reason the I don’t understand. Yet when someone who actually does have a issue comes forward they are cut down by these people for being ‘attention serking’ or ‘freaks’. I don’t understand this, can’t someone explain this?
Let me start this off by saying that I don’t have a bad life. I have two loving parents. I have a brother, a sister, and a sister in law who all love me. I also have a niece and many aunts, uncles, and cousins who love me. Yet, I still feel alone. I feel like nothing I do matters. I feel like I’m drowning in the ocean and every once in a while I catch some air, only to be forcibly dragged back down into the current.
I am not a horrible looking person but I refuse to live the “social norm†that people […]
If you saw my last post then you saw that I was gonna commit suicide that night cause I was so depressed and felt no one would care if I died. Well I called my bestfriend to say goodbye and he was freaking out begging me not to but my mind was made up. Originally I had plans to shoot myself but I had changed my mind and wanted to hang myself instead so I went into the garage and was setting up the rope when my friend came running thru my house and into the garage. He was crying so hard and was screaming please no, he ran […]
Despite all the thoughts i had of dying without you, the pieces of my heart still remain patched together like a never breaking glass frame. You didnt hurt me. You just left a space in me so wide that would take time to refill. Its ok if we never meet again. I am ok as i am. Just wanted to let you know that my life is hard but precious
St.lesswill