General

I am having a lot of trouble acquiring helium. I also know that most store bought shit isn’t pure enough to work. I know burning propane creates CO2, so I’d like to give that a shot. I just don’t really know what I am doing. Never had a dad to explain the finer points of grilling. I have a complete propane grill with a brand new tank, all wired up and ready to use. Is there anyway I can just kind of take that setup and add it to my exit bag?

Like I said, I don’t really understand what I am doing. Spent hours upon hours upon […]

Can a bottle of Zzzquil kill someone if they drink it all? Or would mizing it with two bottles of Ibprofen make it worse?

Why do people say suicide isn’t the answer? It’s a great answer! Sure, it’s final but what other single act can wipe away all sadness, stress, troubles, problems and agony? Seems like an efficient fix to me, I’m so sad, i don’t have a life anyway, so why not just make it final? People I leave behind – they’ll get counseling, they’ll get over it. It’s a win win situation.

didnt think id make it this far. interesting  🙂

When you’re admitted to a psych center, are you forced to take the drugs they give you, or are you allowed to decline?

I’m surrounded by people, yet I feel so alone. It’s like i’m screaming, but no one knows. I’ve tried to ignore the fact that no one cares, but sometimes I just wish I had someone who did. Everyone looks down at me, I mean I understand why. I’m no good. No one wants me here, so why is it such a bad thing for me to want to just end it. It’s not selfish, there’s no one it’ll hurt. No one will notice.. I need to help myself. I’ve been feeling really horrible lately and I think it’s due to my stress. I’ve tried talking […]

WHAT IS THE POINT OF TRYING TO STOP ME FROM COMMITTING SUICIDE IF NO ONE IS GOING TO HELP ME?

And I’m not kidding when I say that. Sometimes I feel like the joke is  on me, and I’m just clueless about it – thinking that they are laughing with me, when in fact it is I who is being laughed at. It’s just plain sick. :'(

Gonna try to get the nerve to do it

I used to have hope.  That things will get better and eventually I’ll have a good life and not be depressed anymore.  But after 30 years of constantly trying and struggling with my mind and my life, I no longer have hope.  I feel like I’ll be this way for the rest of my life- which doesn’t offer me much incentive to go on.  Yet, this is reality.  After 30 years and still like this, the probability of it all going away isn’t very likely.  Sigh.

This meager and painful life is what I have to look forward to.  That’s just great.

Another day of wanting death.

I’ve been suicidal since I was 12.I had some pretty serious reasons. But I went through my teenage years with  the help of my best friends  Then I changed country,  i was far away from my traumas so i tried to forget about them and having good grades and being a good girl. Then i met him 5 years  ago, we’ve been together ever since. I told him about my traumas and he understood. 2 years ago stg pretty traumatic happened and bring back all the suppressed memories..I started to have nightmares insomnia etc..Last year i got very sick and almost died(i kinda regret it didn’t happen). […]

I sit here, in my bed..

Starring at that bottle of pills.
Theres so many..
I’m tempted.. Theres a blade in my drawer.. I just want to let it seep it..
I remember what all that feels like, the feeling of no longer having to worry.. Because your slowly fading away. Dying little by little..
Its painful, but its amazing, because its all you think about.. Its all you ever want to do..
Death, now that doesn’t sound so bad.. I’m not giving up.. I swear, i just want a break.. See you on the other side. And remember that i Love you.

I feel worthless..

I hate what i am.
I feel like a fat, hideous thing.
I don’t deserve to live.
I don’t deserve the air i breathe.
I don’t know why people see me as this happy person. I am No Where near that. I wish i could be as happy as i pretend to be..

Why is it that when i think i’m getting better i always end up taking five steps back..

i wish i could love who i am..
i see all these pretty girls and just wosh i was one of them.

I’ve never been so done with a day. Today, was easily the worst day of my life. So many tears, so many cuts and so many wishes to be dead.
Just don’t know how to do it but I’m so fucking ready.

we hang on to hope, in every hopelessly irrational way that we can.

but every one has their limits…

when we are able without cause or reason, pursue that which is most important to us, we become guided by faith, love, and truth.

that is, personal truth, without which, we never existed to begin with.

in love i do believe. it is my personal truth. it is my cause to both live and die.

what is yours?