For those who have passed on.
Hiya for who ever has reads this. My problem has been going on for nearly 9 years now, out of a 7 day , say 3 to 2 days am happy full of life,loud making jokes,love my girlfriend full of trust , then for next 4 days am down in dumps don’t want to get out of bed,moody,paranoid,want to kill my self this has been going on for years and iv never been for help (and don’t plan to) but a came across this site and was wondering if any one has symptoms and can help ?
So I’ve been fighting with depression through high school and so on, due to relationship troubles (or the lack thereof). But after graduation and freshman year of college was where it nearly killed me. (Twice.)
Winter quarter, I met the love of my life. Everything about her was perfect, except for her abusive family. She would cry in my arms each night, telling me horror stories of her childhood and adulthood. Months passed, and we helped each other through the days. Around Valentine’s Day, she hadn’t spoken with me for three days, so being the idiot like I was, I thought nothing of it.
Until I got […]
Drowning in the sea of my tears
I can’t see anything clear
I can only feel (oh, how I feel)
This huge pain inside me
And before the water covers me all
My heart will make a last effort and cry:
“Please, someone help me!
Don’t let me drown in my tears
Take me somewhere without fear
Where I can finally find
A happiness without any pain”
But no one heard the cry
So I let my breath out and die
Fuck my life. I want to die. I feel so alone and empty. There is so much pain it is unbearable. All day I pretend to be fucking okay and I am not. I go to work and do everything but I am not okay. I smile and laugh and say, “Yes, I’m doing good,” when its all a bloody lie. There is no end to this pain. It is unrelenting, stalking me through every moment of every day, reaching out to suffocate me with its gnarly hands. I am a shell.
These thoughts in my head are horrible.
I’m so scared,it’s not even the fact im having suicidal thoughts,its the fact that nobody can hrlp me and that this time they’re scaring me.
They’re winning.
For the first time in a long time.
What do i do?i dont feel in control i just keep screaming and crying,i cant eat and im struggling to stand for long periods of time..
I dont want too go,not yet..but i might have too.
I hear voices in my head
I believe fairies dwell in flower beds
The night is a mystery and not my friend
For I see things at every corner and end
I cry for four days a week
Because of blame and sorrow my heart can’t keep
My dreams, like everyone else, have gone
Because they too are tired to go on
I don’t believe I belong
Life has been singing that to me like a song
I am a poet, but to everyone my poems appear
To be of sadness, yearn, insecurity, and fear
There’s a new voice in my head
That says I’d rather be better off as dead
But since I’m still present
And death may seem […]
I feel sad all the time. I cant even watch a kids movie without thinking the fake cartoon I see on the screen is the saddest thing out. I just wanna be normal again and this pain to go away, im sick of feeling this way
Well about two weeks ago was my best friends birthday. He passed away back in 2013.. I miss him so much. We were in a car accident and I can’t believe what I saw.. Dante was driving way over the speed limit and I was asking him to slow down, especially coming around this 30 mph curve. He was going about 80 mph. I was scared and hanging on to the handle above my head. He turned around the curve and just like that smacked into an oncoming semi truck.. When I woke up all I saw was red at first.. Just everywhere. I could […]
The truth is she’s a mess. Once so well put together. Once was that happy girl that smiled twenty four- seven. The girl that had great friends and was nice to everyone. She was complete with joy. That girl faded. That girl doesn’t exist anymore. A gloomy depressed girl now exists. Battling for her life every day. Battling with life. She went from going out with friends to staying up all night crying. She shut down. No words spoken. But she woke up the next day and painted that smile on her face. Look in her eyes and you will see a world filled with […]
Well, he’s gone. I can’t say much about this, just in case someone who knows me stumbles across this website, they would be able to tell that it’s me. So… the struggle it is to talk about my feelings. The love of my life is gone, and isn’t coming back for months. No more constantly texting him, or sneaking out to see him. Only a couple pictures, his stuff that he gave me, and memories. I just can’t believe the moment where he had to leave, came so soon. He made me so happy. I no longer feel the need to move, eat, or take […]
i feel so alone.everything i do feels wrong the only thing that helps is to sleep and drink.to be honest i just want to sleep,drink,and have sex.i should be dead i deserve to be dead but only the good die young,i guess ill be loving forever.please help
I want to welcome you to your life. I’ve seen and filled it with my eyes, and it is pure. When you believe in something strong, you can be too sure. And if it’s safe to sleep at night…
I will walk you through your home and set your place. I’m still attracted by your smile, that rests upon your face. You don’t want to rest your lips.. So lets keep them speaking. I hear her speak to me..love
Oh she told me things I’ve set in stone, drove my heart steaks through the ground. I’ve up rooted..all I’ve known.
I know a world […]
“I love you with all of my heart and soul”
“We are always going to be together forever”
“You are my soul mate, my one and only, my true love”
“I never want to be without you, I can’t even imagine my life without you”
“I want to make you proud of me”
“I want to do what’s right”
“Please don’t leave me, I’m trying..really I am”
“You’ve always been my better half”
“Sometimes things are just meant to be”
“You always know what to say”
“I’m sorry I’m so closed off”
“You make me so happy, I don’t have words to explain”
“I need […]
2 years ago I took the medication propecia for 9 days. My life has never been the same. These last two years my life has been a living hell. I have so many problems now. I am impotent, fat, severely depressed, fatigue, muscle loss, brainfog, dry skin, weakness. Also my face looks aged now 10 yrs! I try to get on zoloft but the sexual sides are unbearable. My body barely tolerates psychiatric medicine now. I feel trapped. I really dont want life to be over because im only 25 yrs old. But im getting worse not better. And there are hundreds of other men […]
Like all humans the boy had limits.Limits to what he could do.but also limits to what he could take and after all the time that had passed he finally understood one fact.He would always be alone.the boy had tried harder than most people would have…he tried harder than he should have….he gave up.he was done.he decided to not care anymore.he cut himself off.he showed nothing.that darkness in his heart had once again warped him.his face grew blank.no smiling.no more crying.nothing…he gave in to the lonliness.he kept it all inside.his feelings of pain and resentment and sadness…he decided to close them in his heart and pretend […]
I don’t think I want this, but what am I saying? I never did.
This isn’t the life I ever wanted to live. I used to have so many hopes and dreams… And now? There’s… Nothing. Just broken remains of the buildings of my hopes and dreams, shattered by those who thought lesser of me, as if their cruel words could never hurt me. But not just them. The family never helped me, if anything, they made it worse. This isn’t where I should be starting though. The suicidal feelings, the depression, everything like that, developed at around the age of 7. […]
Okay so here it goes…
So, I’m Angel and I absolutely hate my life..
My entire life, my parents would get into huge fights and let’s just say a lot of cops knew my name and where I lived. My older sister would always scream at me and punch me and just constantly make my life miserable, and even today (she’s 18 and has a baby) she continues to do just that. In fact it has probably gotten worse.
Even though I am the youngest, I am ANYTHING but spoiled. I have to clean the house everyday while my sister goes […]
Excuse me…I seem to have left my pain laying around here somewhere..have you seen it? It’s black and fowl and twisted and I just can’t seem to hang on to it anymore! lol call me butter fingers if you must but it keeps on slipping away!! 😛 lmao!! Anyways..if you see it, it’s labeled “loathing of a lost and forgotten soul”. It might be walking around aimlessly somewhere here, just thought I’d check again. Let me know if you find it’s sorry little bitter ass! lol
Thanks! 😉
Long ago there was a little boy (he was six years old at the time)who played all alone by himself everyday.the little boy never had any friends.the reason for this was that his mother kept having to move them from place to place for new jobs.they werent stable.because of this the boy fell behind in school and felt stupider than the rest of the kids in his grade.he also didnt know what the new trends were and what was ”cool” to the other kids.the boy tried so very very hard to fit in.he just couldnt do it.he tried and tried and tried but no luck. […]
Where do I start. My life is so screwed its beyond measurement. For most of my life I have contemplated suicide. At about 14 I had a good attempt, however it resulted in a broken tailbone, thankfully I was together enough to be able to state that I fell, not that the branch where I had tied the rope on had snapped.
I have tried very hard at life, I have 3 university degrees (All of the degrees been in Arts), however they aren’t really in subjects that provide employment, they were fun to do though, and have made me an authority on nothing, lol.
I realised […]
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