Anther year since I tried to kill myself. Life’s pretty good. I’ve been talking to one of my friends who recently expressed interest in me. I like them, everyone thinks they like me. But I’m scared, scared they do and scared they don’t. They have texted me into the night, they’re very sweet and considerate and they want to help me, but I’ve swallowed my secrets and depression for so long I can’t give them up. Life is pretty good. I still want to die. That irrational persistence is the mark of a true suicidal person, I think.
I need a plan. If I don’t […]
Once life was good. I was happy. Happy enough. But I ruined it. Now my days are spent in silence, alone, dreaming of the past, wishing for it all to have turned out differently. I despise the present of long awful days lost in sadness. I dread the hopelessness infecting every second of every day. I’ve tried to be happy since. I have moments of contentment, of distraction, but it never lasts. I spend all my time alone, afraid, anxious, and miserable. I cry often. I sob and I pace with my hands cradling my head. All my joy is gone. Any passion I once […]
Hello all. I am new to the website. Recently I’ve had depressive moments to the point in where I wanted to leave the world. I was ready to overdose today, but I felt guilty when it came to thinking about leaving my boyfriend and friends. I convinced myself that I have to die, in order to end the suffering and bad thoughts. But alas, here I am. I hate being alive. We are to be in charge of our own lives yet we can’t take it away…hmmm.
I have been considering suicide for a while and want to know a way to just get it done so that it will be easier on my friends and family. I’ve looked at all the various methods but I Don’t know the quickest way and I’d rather just get it done and over with. I just need it to be over I can’t live with myself I can’t take it and I really don’t want to mess up and live after this attempt because then I would have to face everyone and I just can’t do it so I have to be successful. Please just […]
My brokenness has cost me the man who matters most and has isolated me from my children. There is no way to rebuild. There is too much work and I don’t have the strength. I am so scared. I am a coward. A trashy piece of worthless wasted air.
I don’t trust anyone, especially myself. I hid razor blades throughout the house. Figured that was a smart thing to do. ha ha ha
What the fuck was the point of this existence?
UGH. I hate myself so much right now. I had a lot of things going for me, an interesting job, a good education, friends….
But instead of being able to appreciate anything, I blew everything up in my face. I quit my job at the last minute (it was abroad), and have been hiding out in my room like a little *****. I’m just so depressed. And it’s happened before. It’s always so up and down. Left and right. I wish I had a better way of describing it than just, wow I fucked up. And I can’t take it back. I just hate myself and […]
I’ve had enough. I’m done trying to prove myself. Or trying to please you. “Listen here you little *****,” is that what I am to you? A *****? I stopped being your daughter years ago. Even before I truly realized it. You thought I was messing with your head then? I’m not sick like you. The whole damn family knew you cared more about your boyfriends then you did me. “I’ve written my resignation letter twice Cierra!” Wanna know how many times I’ve written my suicide letter? I deserve to be treated better. I haven’t done anything wrong. I don’t clean my room well enough? […]
Things have turned around lately. My life has done a complete 180. It’s great.
So why do I still want to die.
It is hot and sunny out. 12:30pm. I hate feeling this way when it looks like that outside. When it’s daylight. Feeling suicidal in the sense that it’s more comforting to think about suicide then it is to think about how awful and worthless I am, but I’m not sure I would actually attempt something.
I got a new job. A real job. Real money. Real benefits. I should be ecstatic right now…and I was yesterday. So much so that my head was completely spinning with lists. Things I need to do. Things I need to buy. Things I need to be. Spin spin spin. I […]
I’m someone else. At least that’s what I’ve felt like these past few months. I don’t feel like myself. It is hard to get out of bed. I don’t want to eat. I am unable to sleep. My smiles aren’t sincere. My laughs are half-hearted. I don’t want to be around anyone. I can barely talk to anyone. I can’t be happy. And I don’t want to live.
I hope that something can save me.
I pretend to be myself, even though I haven’t felt like myself these past few months. I get out of bed to eat. I eat because I don’t want to lose […]
Well, its been a while. A long time since I’ve been viewing the stories here, an even longer time since I bothered to write; truth being I’ve haven’t been able to write (the one think I was once able to do well, now diminished). I guess you find that time of night on that particular day when you feel its about time you came back to just have a look, see how terrible it is that there are some many more people feeling that suicidal depressed way.
I’ve started intense studying. How fantastic (it isn’t). I never knew I tired like this. I’ve always been tired, […]
Losing one’s mind can really make you lose your mind. I lost mine, and as though it doesn’t make much sense, because I haven’t found it yet, I feel like I keep losing it.
Like I’m falling an endless hole, like I’m drowning in a bottomless sea. Just when I think it can’t get any worse my inner demons welcome me to a new and improved methods of suffering. I can’t fucking take it anymore.
I make a plan. 3AM. Overdose. Yet every night at 2:59AM I bail. I just go on dying. Oh well.
I gave up the search for my lost mind. They say when things get […]
so my name is carson and i just came on here to vint idk if anyone will read this or not and really idc i just wanna start by saying im 15 years old i think imm ulgy and fat and how ive keep the girl of my dreams the love of my life with me this long just this tuesday it will be 4 months and idk if this is right so for my fuckups my mother and her new bf takes her away were i cant see her and her mother does the same its got to the point were i […]
This is how it usually is.
My mind is whirling; an endless buzzing that steadily grows louder.
Yet when I try to talk to someone, when I try to express or explain what’s going on inside
I freeze up.
I blank out.
All I feel like I can manage to say is “I don’t know”
Just like now.
I want to get out the parasitic thoughts but when I put my fingers to this keyboard I can’t get anything to come out.
And as I reread this to myself I can’t help but laugh because of how artificial the words appear.
That they don’t do justice […]
For the past seven years I have been struggling to get through the day, and I simply cannot do it anymore. With every breath that I take, I am ruining the lives of those that are around me because I am nothing more than a burden. I am a disgrace to the human race. I am a monster. I hurt those that are around me, and I ruin everything that I touch. I am a failure in every sense of the word, and nothing I ever do will ever be good enough for anyone. I have been nothing but […]
I have recurrent depression and am on antidepressants and in therapy. I am married but my husband has just left me in my own when he knows I am feeling very bad today I cannot face getting dressed/eating or answering the phone. I have just returned from a 10 day holiday which was lovely but now I am home I just want to end it I cannot go on with this illness anymore I cannot face going back to work, I have been off sick now for 10 weeks, I am not getting better. Why oh why won’t this hideous illness lift and give me […]
“Final”
Though; even you, cannot fathom my eternal
Why we were connected, I suppose we both already know
But now; this time, I became the chained child
That is all I will ever be, please
Just let me cry
The collapse is now, time was our only best enemy of all
Divine intervention, my final, you are it
Take me to go fly at lighting sent, into a butterfly
There is only you in the entire world left
Anymore does nothing matter
And I cried while the first two stanzas
No longer a man from ever now, but only a true beast
Like Yuna and Kimahri, can you walk with me to the light
I will always walk, we met our fated-ultimate
And indeed, the earth trembles […]
I’m inn another state visiting family. It’s not really a vacation because I came here to visit mainly with my grandmother who ifs 93 and not getting any younger. I’m staying with one of my parents and two of my children. While it’s nice to see them and to spend a little time with them, I really don’t want be here. Even more so, I don’t want to be alive.
I have been in so many relationships and dealt with so much bull shit and drama that you would think that I would be able to make better choices and such where relationships are concerned. […]
I wanted to do it. I was convinced I was going to take my life. I was devastated. Things had been moving in a positive direction since I last posted, but I knew it was only an amount of time before things came crumbling down. I quit my job. I hadn’t planned on doing it the way I did, but I lost my mind. Things were so bad there, I quit because my managers wouldn’t do anything to help me. No matter how many times I asked for help with a co worker they let it slide and made it out like it was my […]
It’s so hard. I know that suicide will hurt a lot of the people around me especially Tino. And Tino if you see this I’m sorry. I don’t mean to be another Alexis. I can’t take this depression and these thoughts anymore! Between the thoughts, depression, anxiety, my past, my present, my family, coming out to myself as gay, I can’t go on like this anymore! My wrists are scarred but covered by bracelets, my mind is killing me. My soul is already dead. I found out that not even people who are friends of my family would support me being gay. No one that […]