I expected too much, didn’t i? i made my destination too high and then expected myself to reach there too quickly. i despised myself for every shortcoming i encountered. am i not like that youth in thus spoke zarathustra? i often skip steps, and for that no step forgive me. the more my hopes go higher, the more my passions go downward. what do i seek in the heights? i tried to give a word for my seeking, and since i had heard that ‘nirvana’ is the highest achievable thing , i gave it to my seeking. but the truth is that seeking in me […]
Hi, I am new to this website. I don’t really know what I am doing on here. So, yeah.
http://sunny-quietinside.blogspot.in/
This is the link to my blog. soon, if time allowed, i’ll be posting my story too. i want to lose everything i consider sacred in me or secretly feel proud of.
have you ever noticed that we suffer only when we know that “We” are suffering. you wanna own suffering, just like you wanna own anything else. oh this feeling of existing, of being alive is great, so tempting that one is ready to give his life for it. oh the lust of life! in me these two desires keep fighting simultaneously – to get into life (and thus suffer) and to get out of it. i have no reason to choose the former one, not a single reason, and yet somehow that lust is so much that i give in to it. i know a […]
all this may not be real. sometimes all this doesn’t feel real. i was always living a funny kind of life. like how can this be serious. i was always like, “Man! i am living life! the same life as all those great persons like Buddha, Hitler, Nietzsche lived. the same life as every other big and small person has lived in all the history.” and i used to be overwhelmed by this thought. i was like, “man! i can’t dare waste it”. but instead of pressure it always made me laugh at my life, it always brought me into jolly mood. like, “wow, that’s […]
It always seems just one step away. like i just need to reach my hand out and i will touch it, feel it, grab it. and yet it remains one step away. its so frustrating. i feel like ‘yeah, yeah, there it is. touch it. touch it.’ it remains in front of my eyes.
how much can a brain process? day in day out i only keep thinking and seeking solutions. how does normality feel, what is rest – i’ve forgotten all these things. though i don’t feel like that, but logically speaking, it will explode one day.
i’ve accumulated quite a collection of solutions by now. they can change anybody’s life if he follow them diligently. but then i ask – why don’t they change mine? i think there is a part of me that wants misery, that don’t want to get detached from them, that wants all that evil that they transfer in me.
how good moments before sleep feels. i feel like finally its ending, finally i’m going to be unconscious. i feel like tomorrow is gonna be totally different; i’m gonna be totally different. actually i feel glad that tomorrow is not gonna be ‘me’, it will be somebody else who will wake up and face all the struggles. me is ending today. its almost like suicide, only there is no fear or selfishness attached because of trust. and yet its me who wakes up again, with all the same sameness. do i anymore belong here? is this a new escape trick my mind is playing?
all that they want from me is to play my part in social gatherings. they don’t want to be embarrassed because of their son. how do they see me? just another dot in this social web. i have all kind of social strings attached to me. i’m a position holder: a son, a brother, the heir of this fucking heritage. and they don’t give me required powers either. they think of me as some lowly being. fuck i hate them so much. just let my sister’s marriage complete and i’m gonna show ’em who i am. just just let me get the opportunity.
why do […]
There was a suicide blog named wantdeath.blogspot.com
Is anyone aware of that website? it had a shoutbox! That was the website that saved my life! and many others around the world who are suicidal and want a way out! I had actually made friends there :(( and now the website is gone  :'( I wish it comes back again
I’m 13 years old.
In and out of depression for two and a half years.
Screw it.
I’ve been in hospital for suicide too.
Therapy, DBT…. the works.
I don’t care anymore.
I. Am. DONE.
Time to die?
Yeah…
That sounds about right.
See ya.
So I sit here in a class
no one notices what I do
no one
I sit alone with no one by me
like I like to sit but how I hate to sit.
That empty feeling of being alone will always linger.
No matter what.
Even if I sit with my friend or my girlfriend.
I will feel alone.
It won’t go.
It’s madness that I can’t escape it.
I want to escape it more than anything but I can’t.
I just can’t hurt my girlfriend who is depressed on her own.
Every time I try to go she can’t take it.
I can’t stand hurting her.
I just don’t understand.
She would be better without me right?
I know it.
She’s […]
how does he not understand why i don’t have the will to live anymore?! actually no, he doesn’t care. its because of people like him that take and and take and take, and are actually loved, but their main goal is to act like a parasite and then just leave once they’ve sucked everything they possibly can from you, and you have nothing left. he literally doesn’t care how much he takes from me. he doesn’t care that he causes another person to not want to live. he’s breaking up with me over a situation i may not be able to control. he won’t even […]
All kind of thoughts run through my mind. i can be anything. i can change to any side. just convince me and see where i go. i have always tried to find answers to ultimate questions – questions that are right and on whom my existence and my suffering depends. every time i watch a documentary or read a philosophical novel i get into one of these questions and seems to find myriad of solutions to it. but experience has taught me that they somehow never works. so now when i find a solution i also ask myself why the solution would not work and […]
Hello everyone,
First of all, thank you to anyone who takes the time to read this.
I’m new here. That is, this is my first post here, but I have to admit that I’ve been lurking here for a while. I found this site a couple of months ago or so, and while the fact that this site exists at all makes me very sad, and I sort of feel bad for posting here, it seems like this is the only place where I’d be able ask for advice on something I’ve been struggling with lately. But first of all, I’d like to mention that English is […]
At the end, when everything finally falls apart, I will only remember that once upon a time, I have silently, and deeply, loved someone with all my soul.
