im depressed

i have become bored.i have become depressed again.there are times where i think if i get drunk or high it will go away but then it all goes away and once again i feel the pain.if you have ever did what i did to your family you know its hurts.i use to think my mom didtn care or love me.i alway thought she hated me and that i was a mistake.i honestly dont know what the hell i was thinking.when my mom found me and ishe looked at my right arms she couldnt believe her eyes.she saw 32 fresh cuts and didnt know why i had did that.i later told her i didnt remember.the thing is i knew why i did it and i did remember.i hurt my mom and my dad and it killed me so i just kept doing it.i dont understand why i did it but i realize that i should just talk to somebody instead of want to die all the time.i love my family but suicide is alway on my mind.SUICIDE doesnt go away.being SUICIDUAL really isnt fun.i am SUICIDUAL because my past is coming back and haunting me and because i thought nobody care.i thought i was fat,ugly,stupid,worthless and just a stupid retarded girl that nobody cared about.
–depressed_chick