greetings,
well where do i start?
Im 17 and in my last year of school. i didnt know i would ever make it to year 12 but i have and this could possible be the worst year of my life. i feel tired all the time, i’ve began to cry over simple things like it being too hot while walking home. at night i think about how i could kill myself so i dont wake up thinking about how much im going to fail this year. everyone tells you year 12 is the most important year and at the moment i dont believe in myself […]

I’m not going to kill myself yet, or maybe ever,  if I discover something to live for. Which is unlikely.

I’m thinking I’ll wait until my parents die. I’m seventeen now, so that’ll be a while. I don’t know what to do with my life. I want the emptiness to go away. I’ve given up on myself a long time ago – I don’t have a co-dependent personality disorder, but I can only force myself to exist if it’s because other people need me. So if I never find anyone else, as soon as both of my parents are gone I’ll go to a place where […]

I used to care about things like success, and school, and grades… but now it’s like none of that matters anymore. I’ve gotten to the point where I don’t care what happens to me anymore. I;m not sure what to do anymore. I’m just drifting around now, with no purpose. Pain is the only thing I can control now. That’s better than nothing.

I stumbled upon this site, and felt a sudden pang go through me.
These new posts are from today.
I realized there are people posting right now, feeling incredibly suicidal with no one to talk to.
That scares me. It makes me sad.

Guys, a year ago I was in your place.
I promise you, it gets better. You must have heard it a thousand times. You must think it’s bullshit. I did. I never thought it — I — could get better.
But it did. I did.
I promise it can be like that for you, too.
I promise.
You just have to hold on.

I was born disabled. My disability is not something that can be seen physically, or even be cured medically. At first I didn’t recognize my differences from others. But all my life I have been feeling it, and even unconsciously struggling to mend it. I was so confused because I didn’t even understand what’s wrong with me. I thought by knowing what’s wrong with me, I could cure it. But I had never understood, so I gave up and started to accept that I would always be like this. Turn out, I was wrong and I was right. I was wrong because even knowing what’s […]

Hi Guys,

It’s seems like it’s been a while since I’ve talked to you. Doesn’t it? It’s been only a week…

How are you guys? Hopefully better than I am…

How am I? Physically: Sore Mentally: Broken

My physical state… Is just sore… I’m so exhausted these days… I’m tired and I just don’t know what to do… My headaches aren’t that constant or daily, but I do get them often… I have more panic attacks these days… I have more break downs these days… I don’t know guys… I just don’t know anymore.

My mental state… […]

I have a long list of reasons I want to die. The main reason though is him. He was amazing and now he’s gone. I miss him. Why did he leave this world so early? Why did he choose to? I like him and now he’ll never know.

I’m new to this, so how do I begin? How does one simply begin to tell their story? Perhaps I’ll wait. Share little by little. My story is too long anyway… And it’s probably really boring.

I guess I should introduce myself, huh?
I’m Ciara, I’m Irish and I’m 15. What more can I say? Should I go into detail here?

I guess I could tell you a little about myself and about why I’m here.

I’m a writer. Obviously not a professional one. I mean… I am only 15… And I’m pretty terrible at writing. But I enjoy it. That’s all that matters, I guess. When I […]

i miss having conversations with intellectually stimulating people. hell, i miss the short ”hello, goodbye” conversations. i miss conversation

I’m so tired of being a fuck up. I’ve almost grown used to the depression now. She doesn’t like me because I’m depressed, and you know what? That makes me even sadder. Why do I even care? She loves someone else, I am simply a burden to her. But I keep talking to her. What’s wrong with me?

I felt fine almost all day. Somewhat normal, and able to handle things. Then I got home. Now I’m just extremely tired. I’m angry, at what I don’t know. I’m sad. I’m…me.

I could lie and say that everything gets better and life is amazing but that wouldn’t help. 3 Days ago I made a decision to take my own life, I bought a bunch of painkillers and vodka and thought I wanted to die… it didn’t work and I spent 2 days in the hospitals poison ward attached to a drip with a needle sticking outta my hand, I had to listen to my families reaction over a phone call and it killed me having to hear what I did to them, I will never forget the sounds of my mum crying, not knowing what happened. […]

2/22/14

Id like to be able to think ill wake up tomorrow and be happy and forget that i feel the way i do and have for the past years of my life. I know that wont happen. I often look at myself in disgust and think about how much I’ve fucked up. I waste to much time doing this when i should be doing this. My future seems like a hell hole. I don’t see me Completing any of my dreams because i just cant come to think i’m good at fucking anything and it makes me want to just fucking give up. I have […]

So this is a suicide letter I wrote to my best friend (Leaving her unknown because I’m protecting her identity. So lets just call her Anne and call me Rose. And if I say “I love you”, its friend love.) because I was really thinking about it that day.

February 8 2014

Dear Anne,

I honestly do not want to say this one word that means so many things, but this is my goodbye. I love you so much and I know you’re hurting too, but please don’t make the same mistakes that I’m making. I don’t want you to turn up the same way that […]

Surrounded by all the unknown
it seems that i am alone
As in the dark
noone speaks to me
And I
speak to noone

Yet no pain, no longing
no directions, no going
Only myself without itself
A self with no self

our life is together
our life has been forever
our time is never
never ending

places to go, things to do
words to speak
songs to sing

tears to cry

i tried so hard to make you proud of me
all i want is your love

im so alone
and so sad without you

am i dying?

i need you
i need my family

i just want to be happy

numbing the pain, but still being able to function

You don’t have to read the rest of this, I just couldn’t help myself once I started. The questions in the title!

Right now I want to die. I’ve never felt it this strongly before. But then that stupid feeling of how it will affect my family keeps creeping in. Any ideas on how to get over it.

I keep fantasizing about death. It makes me smile now. And I feel like I should kill myself now before the other girl comes back. The girl who is smarter, possibly. The girl who will always be too chicken to go through with it. But right now I need […]

I want to help others more.
Please email me at rochellecate@yahoo.com if you ever feel depressed or lonely.
I promise, I will be here for you. I’ll help you get through whatever you’re going through.
You are NOT alone. I’ll listen to you. I’ll be your friend. Please let me help you.

There’s a story of a little girl. She was kind and beautiful. And, happy. At least, she used to be. That was until middle school got to her. I remember the way her eyes lit up every single day. I remember how she spoke. Just one smile brightened everyone’s morning. She was fun. She was adventurous. She was confident.
There’s a story of a little girl. Who went home from school excited for tomorrow. She always did her homework the first chance she got. She was the loving sister, the helpful friend. She was Daddy’s Little Girl. The only things in her mind were her […]