1. Don’t let them see the real you.
2. Smile
3.Don’t believe anything you hear
4. Never trust they will only betray you
5. Never give in to the voices
6. Try to survive
I put a big fake smile on my face, it’s my mask I wear to pretend. They say a smile makes everything better, so thats what I do. Smile. They won’t ask questions, they won’t see the truth. I need this smile, but it always fades, slowly gone. By the end of the day I fooled everyone, but at night I cry, I break down, I’m slowly dying. I don’t know what to do, should I give in? And lose my smile, lose it all. I have to pretend, I need it. It’s what’s keeping me alive, and what’s slowly killing me.
I could have died.
In eighth grade.
Why didn’t I?
Why did that girl have to find me.
I could have been gone off the face of the earth.
And no one would have cared.
I starved myself to death almost.
I was so weak and fragile.
I could barely walk.
I could barely hold my pencil.
I didn’t want to go on.
I was so sick.
But for some reason, that girl had to find me.
And I had to get help.
Why?
I’ll never know.
I’m so upset. Finally aia found out the boy that I REALLY likes likes me back. and yesterday we talked about how we were going to fix things…. its the next day, he wont even look at me. He is flirting with 2 other girls, and im forced to stare at him in class while he takes pictures with another girl. Great… Fuck my life.
I don’t care anymore.
Things are getting out of hand.
But I don’t care anymore.
My mom and dd have been divorced since I was 2.
Now my dad is working on my mom and I’s new house.
He is talking to my mom.
And they are getting along.
He is mean to me.
He treats me like trash.
I don’t care anymore.
I’m going to dish back exactly how he treats me.
I’m sick of looking up to someone who has no respect for me.
When I have always shown […]
Well it’s official. Went to the GP again today, and after a long talk with a very nice doctor (making a point of saying he was very nice because i’ve had some crappy doctors in the past) i’ve now been given a prescription for anti-depressants. I’m both happy and sad about this. Happy because finally, maybe, i might get some control over how i feel and sad because it’s actually taken medication to get this sorted out. Medication was kind of the option i was saving for last. In the UK medication isn’t usually the first option they jump to, but he knows the councelling […]
I feel so stressed out that I actually feel physically sick.  My stomach hurts and I’m nauseated I would not be surprised if I were giving myself an ulcer right now.
The worst part of it is the only support I had just yelled at me and walked out the door.
I hate feeling like this.
After being depressed for a long time I think its finally time to say I’m out of the black hole. There’s many things I credit to this;
The NFL: What can I say no matter how shit your life is you can still watch Sunday night football! There is also Monday and Thursday nights games to help us survive the crawl to Sunday night. Its something that is always worth holding on for, only one of those losers wimps who make fun of sports people cause they make them feel insecure could hate the NFL its the greatest sport around and is number 1 in America […]
Every time I attempt to kill myself..
And I fail..
Is God saving me?
Or am I just a failure..
And doing something wrong..
I like to think God is saving me..
But in reality i’m just doing something wrong.
Am I being saved?
I have become a burden to my sister and mom, the 2 I love the most now hate me.
I am an annoying, selfish, mean person and I don’t know why I cant fix it.
They tell me they want me out of their lives, it would be better if I wasn’t here, my mom tells me sister to never grow up to be a lost cause like I am.
I am so insecure I don’t see a point in looking for a job because I don’t think I will get it anyways because I am too stupid.
Almost every day I hear my mom and sister say I’m […]
i know people wanted me gone but i have nowhere else to say this
i feel dead. i don’t recognize myself anymore. i can’t sleep. I’m so tired
I feel like if i don’t cut myself right now, these overwhelming emotions will devour me.
I’m trying so hard for others to stop cutting, but none of them realise how fucking hard it is.
Why do i have to suffer like this? Constantly feeling like this is exhausting.
I want to die. Just let me die.
when most people get drunk, they do stupid shit and try to sleep with each other
when i get drunk, i slit my wrists til the t3s knock me out
could use company til i pass out
not a good night
wish i wasn’t going to wake up
scared to die
fuck
Quit Worrying About How You Look, it’s About Whats On The Inside!
i don’t care who you are. your beautiful and amazing in your own unique and special way, please don’t let what he/she says make you stop believing that. the people who hurt you most are the ones who usually are the closest to you…but don’t beat yourself up, and depress yourself with it, because they may have called you ugly. stupid. fat. etc..but only you can believe them..only you can take it to heart. only you can take it as far as it gets. You, are Your Biggest Enemy. free yourself from mental slavery, […]
Look, i feel bad for all of you that you are sad and everything, just a month ago I was ready to kill myself but it is all stupid. Try to remember how happy you werev before any of this happened. Wasn’t that fun? You can go back to that. I know that you find comfort in your sad feelings but it is easier to get around if you get over it. All you have to do is find the underlying issue and work it out. That does not have to mean talk to someone, it just means find a way to laugh about it […]
It’s amazing. Just, amazing. We, all of us. We’re here, in this web site, sharing our problems and helping each other. With the words, all the advices. In somehow, I think we’re amazing. We’re alive, right? We are fighting against the world, the society, the life, the death of the pure pain but we keep playing. We haven’t given up yet. I don’t know, I don´t use to say this kind of stuff but now I feel full of empathy. I feel weird things like we are all in some kind of island alone and unhappy but having our own help, having other sad people who […]
im soo done! i just came home from dance i made the second line! i never make the second line im always in the first adn guesse what my mom said when i told her ” serosuly! we have to get you privates you better make it into the front line or else all of the money ive put into ur dance is wasted” and all i could think was thanks that makes me feel so much better adn then i started to cry adn she was like “im telling u the truth honey…. now dont cry like a little baby and pull yourself together […]
I try to not think or face anything. If i say it it will become true, and why make it true if your starting to believe your own lies? Its so much better living in the dark pretening then facing the ugly truth. I think to myself live through the day, cut away, everything will be fine, I wont eat, or sleep, I’ll put on my fake smile and act like the person everyone thinks I am. “She’s perfect” they say. Beauty, intellegance, they say I have it all. While in truth I’m dying, I have scars, bruses, cuts, and my memories. They don’t know nothing, they don’t know what I go through, […]
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/03/29/ray-lewis-stanford-speech-nit-semifinals_n_1387639.html
We’ve all seen it. Ray Lewis has been doing this for 16 years. Lewis, widely known as one of the greatest NFL linebackers of all time, is also one of the most inspiring athletes to hear speak before any game whether it’s a big one or not.
The Stanford basketball team got a taste of what the Baltimore Ravens have experienced over the last decade and change before Tuesday’s NIT semifinal game against UMass. Before the Cardinal took the court, the former Super Bowl MVP spoke to the team in the locker room and delivered another incredibly inspiring speech.
“Wins and […]
A lot of people think about suicide when they are going through hard time, or when something terrible happens. But what if you have wanted to kill yourself ever since you can remember? I am so completely miserable. I feel like i have been wasting time for years just doing nothing and getting closer to the edge, and never fully there. I just want to die. I feel so alone, all the time. Even around my best friend. She is kind of happy, I feel like i cant just put something like this on anybody’s shoulders. Not that most people i know would even understand […]