All of these horses that you chase around in the end they are the ones that always bring you down

And, beyond deciding the method I STILL haven’t lifted a finger to make it happen. If I don’t decide things by halfway through November I’ll have no choice but to wait it out till January, pointlessly losing money and reducing my mobility, having to spend another Christmas alone even worse than last year’s. Damn brutish beastly atavistic body, witless blind hoping for a miracle that will never come. I can see very clearly how it will all play out, sometime no farther than 3 days before a theoretical departure date I’ll buy the ticket to somewhere weeping all the way through endless sleepless nights. […]