Averroes

I have always speculated the meaning of my existence, but to no avail. I do not believe that anything has a purpose. There is actions and reactions but the universe has no motifs. Thus I find myself believing there is no reason to live. I don’t think many people talk openly about things like this but I wonder if and I the only one that does. Some people kill themselves from depression or other emotions, but for me its just a rational philosophical view that I do not need to exist. I need some enlightening, 17 is too young to be thinking like this.