I don’t know if anyone else goes through this, but I don’t experience too much happiness because of the mind I have. My mind is my greatest bully. It tells me things that may or may not be. It over-analyzes things. It makes mountains out of molehills. When I’m happy, it’s ok. But when I am having a bad day, I’m really REALLY having a bad day. What do I do when I have a bad day? I think of suicide of course. My mind sets me up. It seems like it’s not mine sometimes. It’s like a voice that says…”no one cares”….or “no one will miss you”……or “you would […]
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This is the first time I’ve posted on this site, having discovered it only a few days ago. Well, posting for myself, anyway, because I’ve actually given shout outs to a couple of other people that I hoped could take the words to heart. But I continue to wear my mask, even here, in the presence of those who’d likely accept me without it. But, truth be told, I wear it around friends and family that I’d gleefully step in front of a bullet for, so it’s not entirely surprising to me.
I’ve felt the urgings of suicide for the better part of the last 25 […]
It just hit me when I was reading one of the posts. Remembered this speech by Samwais Gamgee to Frodo in
Lotr: The Two Towers. Now that if something probably touches everyone in at least some way. A new day will come.
Frodo: I can’t do this Sam
Sam: I know
It’s All Wrong
By rights we shouldn’t even be here.
But we are.
It’s like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo.
The ones that really mattered.
Full of darkness and danger, they were.
And sometimes you didn’t want to know the end.
Because how could the end be happy?
How could the world go back to the […]
Nothing can make me stop thinking about killing myself. I went to the hospital and thought I was better but every time I take my anti depressants or any type of medicine I feel such an urge to take the whole bottle. Anytime I’m driving I think about crashing the car. Anytime I’m on a tall building I think of jumping off. I watch cop shows on TV and wonder how great it would be to be one of those dead bodies. Even when I’m not in a bad/sad mood I think about it all the time. Help. Please.
Several years ago, I made a pact with myself that I would hold on for the sake of people who had cared enough to get me out of a bad situation. I told myself to focus on school, and that by the time I graduated, I may have started wanting to live again. The issue is, I’m looking at finishing soon, and I was with these people today. I know no matter what happens I will never completely regain my what’s left of my mind, and I tried to prevent hurting the few people I care about, but I just got the feeling, not for […]
There is this guy.. We’ve been seeing eachother for a month or two now. Initially we agreed to just be fuck buddies, but feelings got in the way and it’s all a mess now. He’s 24 and i’m 17.. We spend all the time we can together.. We kiss, cuddle, text the whole time and basically act like we’re going out.. We stopped sleeping with other people bexauze we really like eachother.. He’s amazing and perfect in every single way!! But he told me that he doesn’t want a relationship because of the age difference which breaks my heart, but I understand where he is […]
I dont know if i should end my life because their happy moments but sad moments in my life. Sad moments for me is when i get bad grades and school is so stressful or the times I hate my parents for doing unfair things. For happy moment is going to the movies with mom because thats the time where we actually bond and laugh and I love those precious moments.
Just sinking so low. I haven’t written in my journal (which I’ve kept since I was 15) since that night. that fact in itself scares me. I don’t want death, I’m certain of it, not when my head is clear. But I just urt so bad, nearly every morning I wake up and brace myself for the wave of misery, hope it’ll be over fast and won’t keep welling up on and off all day.
I am… no nice way to put it, I am a failure. I’ll be 29 tomorrow. I ave never been able to have a relationship in my life: just the […]
Whenever something bad happens in my life I dont have anyone to go to. If my friends or family try to give me advice i pretend to listen and to understand what they’re saying. It’s just they dont understand what I go through even though they think they do. I always so they have to experince it for themselves to understand. I love my two three main friends because they listen and one of them kind of go trough the same shit everyday like me.
It seems as I get older, life just gets worse. Reality becomes more…well, real. I don’t know if I sound crazy or if anyone else out there wants/thinks the same as me but tbh I really just want to live in a beautiful fairy land where no bad happens, no lies, cheating, murders, etc.
I want to go somewhere far far away from reality and this evil world full of evil people who don’t give a damn about anything! I do not belong here, my soul has never belonged in such an evil place. I am so different to everyone I know and meet:/ I […]
Hey there baby, you looking fine
again tonight like always
I’m so bad with these corny lines
but you never judge me
instead you stand far away and let
your vertiginous glory pluck at my nerves
ready to catch me when I remove
80 feet of concrete between us
Remember when we first met?
I was so young then and you were the same
soft shade of aquamarine that I feel
flling my nostrils and bluring my sight
Your presence a promise of an eternal
unbearable comfort hugging me tight
How much has changed since then?
Nothing at all, as you of course know
except that your […]
All i remember from my childhood is fighting. There was so much hatred in my family…in elementary school my parents got so bad i was scared i’d come home and my dad would be dead. He used to threaten it all the time. I remember things getting broken and walls being punched along with windows. My mom would constantly take me and my siblings away and threaten to not come back we’d stay at her best friends house but i began to get absolutely sick of it in 6th grade my parents were arguing so bad my dad walked to my brothers elementary school and […]
Simply put, I think it’s all crap. Not the things, good and bad, that have happened in my life thus far. Heavens no, that won’t do at all. What’s crap is that people sincerely believe that I should be “happy” that I’m alive. I was given a life (that I never asked for, by the way), and I now it’s apparently mandatory for me to be thankful for that fact. I’m not here to blame my parents for being arrogant pricks and assuming that the child they created would be happy with this “gift of life” that he never asked to receive. Blaming others for […]
Ok so I’m 27, I live in the UK, so there’s no guns (would be my preferred way) anyways my life is so bad, I have an extreme foot fetish where it replaces all normal sexual preferences, I only find the feet sexy, girls legs, butts, etc mildly attractive but not proper arousal.
This is causing me huge stress as I can’t have normal sex with a girl without feet, it’s caused two girls to leave me, & now there’s one girl I’m in love with who loves me back & definitely wants to get shagged but I know she hates feet & would be extremely […]
Okay. So I haven’t wrote here in a year…I guess I thought things were getting slightly better…they’re not. Life sucks. Now I’m 20. In college…and I just want to drop out soo bad, but at the same time, I really want to be a nurse so I have to keep going right? I feel like such a failure. Because, I might not graduate on time, and I feel as if all my friends are graduating and going to get nice jobs and start their life. And then there’ me who is still struggling to even get up in the morning. I still hate the way […]
I’m thinking of stopping my anti-depressants cold turkey. I’m tired of the numbness. I want to feel what I’m supposed to feel without any masking by the meds.
Just looking for other people’s experiences. Was withdrawal really that bad? If in a couple weeks, I go back on the meds, will the withdrawal go away immediately, or in a few days?
I’m on 200mg of sertraline. Capsules. Can’t really taper them.
I always end up in a depressed state, eating disorder state, anxiety state and so on. Every time I’m in these states, I always end up convincing myself that I’m okay and by acting so fake and by acting like I’m okay, I begin to believe I am, even though I’m still sick.  And when I realize that I’m not okay, I end up back in these states. The truth is, although depression, self harm, bulimia and so on are killing me inside and hurting me, I actually love being depressed, self harming and having an eating disorder, but I end up loving these sicknesses until they […]
So I stumbled on this site tonight while researching methods to use when my time comes. I’m a little nervous about saying this out loud (or even in anonymous type), but yes, I do intend to end my life. Not now, or even in the near future, but when the time is right. There’s only one reason I’m still alive right now really, and that’s my dad. Not only is he a great guy and my untimely demise would shatter him, but he’s also paid a great deal of money our for my new doctor to stabilize my mental health. To her credit, btw, I’m […]
… registered here. So far hasn’t been so bad other than that cluster fuck that caused me to register in the first place. See, we can all be kind to each other when we want to. Maybe, maybe it’s just my inability to get pissed off anymore that I wonder why others get so mad over silly things so easily. But I do appreciate the hospitality you all have shown me since I announced my pressence here on SP. Good Vibrations to you all, and may you be able to wade through the shit in your lives and travel the extreme dissonance you need to trek through to have a better life. […]
I have been in such a deep depression for the past two years that i have relapsed on cutting and it got to the point where every other day i was thinking of different ways to kill myself. Finally one night it got so bad that i knew i would do something drastic if i didnt get help so i texted my friend that i live with. She was in the kitchen partying with her friends and i tried for an hour and a half to get her to come help because i couldn’t get the courage up to go out there. She wasn’t answering […]