I realize that this is a repeat of last evening. I apologize for bothering everyone all over again. I’m so sorry to bother you all again. Please forgive me… I want to die, but I don’t want anyone to care. I want them to rejoice with me, and celebrate my life, not mourn my death. I want them to love me for who I was, not who I have become. I am a nasty, bitter, selfish little *****. I hate myself. And so do you, deep down. You don’t know me, but somewhere in you too bleeding hearts, you harbor a nasty disgust for me. […]
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Bleeding Hearts
All alone, or in twos,
The ones who really love you
Walk up and down outside the wall;
Some hand in hand,
Some gathered together in bands,
The bleeding hearts and the artists
Make their stand;
And when they’ve given you their all, some stagger and fall
After all it’s not easy
Banging your heart against some mad bugger’s wall.
– Roger Waters, The Wall
I try to remember it’s not their fault I feel bad. I shouldn’t shut out the people I love. It’s really hard to not want to hide behind the wall. But I need to be better.