I realize that this is a repeat of last evening. I apologize for bothering everyone all over again. I’m so sorry to bother you all again. Please forgive me… I want to die, but I don’t want anyone to care. I want them to rejoice with me, and celebrate my life, not mourn my death. I want them to love me for who I was, not who I have become. I am a nasty, bitter, selfish little *****. I hate myself. And so do you, deep down. You don’t know me, but somewhere in you too bleeding hearts, you harbor a nasty disgust for me. Well, you aren’t alone.
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13 comments
¿¿ I hate U¿¿¿…..that’s surprising because I usually only reserve hate and contempt for myself.
But seriously I do agree with you about rejoicing with you about your life and mourning a death. What are we toasting to???
We’re toasting to the happiness that was once contagious, the joy that emanated from me. The kind that is so far gone…
I don’t hate you. I only hate three people in this world me and both of my parents but the list ends there. I hope you stay around but it’s your choice regardless of what anyone or says. Your life most definitely something that should be celebrated even after your death. However there is no way to commit suicide without upsetting at least one person.
I know… But, as everyone here knows, it’s hard to care sometimes.
cry to yourself for “help” … as often as it takes … you chose to grab hold of the “nasty bitter selfishness” and let the contagious happiness fall away – but it’s not gone – it’s right there at your feet – waiting to be picked up and carried … all you have to do is let go and drop the negativity and pick it up – the choice and solution is yours and within you – it always has been – no one here can do anything to help other than to shine a light on it – you’ve got to do the work … and please don’t presume to tell anyone what and how they should feel towards you – those feelings are theirs to choose. i for one reject hate in it’s entirty – too much time and energy to maintain … like an ex-wife i once had – it cut her loose too, to wallow in her self inflicted misery … and broccoli … i hate broccoli … but that’s it 😉
maglite dawg
Yes that is so very true caring is one thing that is near impossible most of the time.
I want to get better. Truly, I do. But where to start? I see two therapists, have craptons of medications, and I don’t even have to go to school. What’s left to do?
You start with the smallest issues and very slowly work your way up to the bigger stuff. You do all you can to help your self maintain and say your trying.
OKay
Dear Zero if I hated you I’d have to hate me too. Well there you go cause I do hate me.
Zero LIVE. There is a way out. I should be so grateful. I got away from my psycho abusive mother. But I keep choosing men that treat me bad. Except for my husband that died. He wanted to be good. But every man since pretends he cares and then acts like a pig. Sorry for venting with someone young. Since I got away from my mother my suicudal meltdowns are over men. I’m not sure what I’m even trying to say. If you are 13/14, do your best at school and by 17 get away from these people like I did. Sure 4 years of this garbage sounds like forever. I used to close myself in my room with romance novels as an escape to keep me sane. Of course lame; no contest.
And you should be very, very careful about exchanging e-mail addresses on any site. I’m a good person, but who knows that? Is there private message somewhere out here? Since you asked, you can contact me anytime. I ‘m listening; and girl you are not a bother. I’ve wasted the hotlines time too . But I keep thinking about that car exhaust. Just venting it here helps, I hope for you also.
Honey, I’m doing much better, thanks to the support and love of strangers. Thank you.