I deserve rest and peace. Please. why, I might do it tomorrow but tonight im to tired. Goodnight everyone. If I do it will be responsibly done quick and easy. Of couse I have Bi polar, of course I suffered childhood trauma, of course I attempted before, of course I cut, of course I have gambling and drinking problems. shit paranoia is the worst. I have paranoia disorder.
Tag:
deserve
Dear ‘Mom’ and ‘Dad’,
I’ve always hated you.  I’ve never trusted you with anything.  All you’ve ever done is beat and criticize me.  Hey mom, remember that time you accidentally threw me down the stairs when I was four?  Hey dad, do you remember that time I came back home from first grade one day and you started yelling and hitting me?  What about that time when I couldn’t go to school for a week in third grade because you burned my fucking arm?  You remember how making me scream in pain became a routine for you?  Do you both remember all those times you called me whore, […]
If there are so many people in the world that feel like me, like us, why do I feel so alone? Like nobody can understand my thoughts? Like I can’t ever be 100% sincere sharing them? If there are so many people on here that feel the same way, why aren’t you the girl sitting next to me in class? Why aren’t you one of the people I have to see every day? Are we meant to die little by little of loneliness in the end? Is that what we deserve?
Feeling nothing,
PURPLEPAIN
im 14 and i did something stupid along time ago and because of it. my family had to move out of the country and then my dad lost his job and it had continued to go downhill from there. i cant take it anymore. i want it to end but i cant leave. i cant brig my self to the jump. but im getting closer each time and im sick of it!. i gone down a long road of self harm and alcohol. everyone blames me and all i can think about is that i deserve it!
When I was 11, I tried to kill myself.
When I was 13, I tried to kill myself. Four times.
Then when I was 15 my boyfriend told me I’d be better off dead. Of course, guess what I did? I tried to kill myself.
I wrote poetry depicting my mind’s perpetual spiral down into hell. I blamed myself. I said things like Well if you weren’t so darned stupid maybe you’d deserve to live.
But why would I say that? Who am I to judge?
Really that makes me selfish to think that. Everyone on this damned planet suffers every day. Every. Fucking. Day. Why should I get the cheap […]
Two years ago my boyfriend of a year and a half started ignoring me. He ignored my texts, calls, avoided me in person and when I asked why he finally told me I’m “a fat ugly waste of space that doesn’t deserve to live” and I became depressed. I cut every day for nine months. I counted over 1000 cuts in less than a week. I drank bleach countless times in the hope of dying but it didn’t do anything. I stopped eating. I would just have dinner with my family so they wouldn’t suspect anything and it would have been a tiny […]
i need you
but i can’t tell you that
i need you to be here
but you’re busy
but i need you to comfort me
but you’re busy with important things in your life
i need you to be here
like you promised
you promised that you would be there
but you’re not
and now i feel broken
i don’t know
maybe i deserve it
maybe im not that important
i guess im not
i don’t know your side of the story
but i need you
but you aren’t here
you broke your promise
that you’ll be there for me
where are you now?
de·serve
/dəˈzərv/
Verb
Do something or have or show qualities worthy of (reward or punishment).
Synonyms
merit – earn – rate – be worth
How I hate this word – let me count the ways …
Ok – no, I’m not going to count the ways – but I hate hate hate this word – because it is so so misused. (Especially around here on SP)
The general use of this word has been utterly corrupted to become synonymous to “i am OWED something” as in some sense of entitlement – like you’ve supposedly done something SOOO special that everyone should bow down and worship at your feet and bequeath you with adoration, […]
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