I really don’t want to have to do this. I don’t want to cause any devastation. I know that I don’t see why it would hurt anyone–I’m really nothing important. But I also know that death hurts people. It just does. No matter the nature of the relationship. People who you have never spoken to in your life will cry for you. It makes no sense to me at all. Perhaps, it scares them more than it saddens them? Makes them realize that they to are set to expire some day? I don’t know. But I’m just so tired, so exhausted in every way. I […]
Tag:
Devastation
Depression hits us all, I think. There’s not a single person I have spoken to that hasn’t felt it’s clammy hands around their soul. It seems to be caused by many things, from big life changing events, to small things that just build up and knock a person off their feet eventually. Â I’ve had it time and and time again, but usually managing to shake it off like a wet dog. Â This time however, it’s crippled me.
I’ve seen death burn through a families hope, I’ve felt that pain. I got through it.
I’ve felt the devastation of a loved one no longer loving you. I got through […]
Doctors tend to ask if you are suicidal. I’m not. I accepted a while ago that I could not bring myself to do anything that intentionally hurt the people I love. Since I first wrote this sentence down, a close friend of mine took his own life. Before this, I had begun to feel increasingly like my desire not to be here anymore was beginning to outweigh my desire not to break my family’s hearts. Because, much as I don’t see the appeal, I have to admit that it would. I struggled, in the wake of my friend’s suicide, to understand how I felt about […]
I used to be a very happy person. In fact, I was that loud and annoying kid who was always laughing and didn’t care what others thought. I do well in school; I dont really try very hard and I get all A’s. I have friends; they all think I’m the happiest guy alive. At school, I still act happy even now; I don’t want them to know. I have a girlfriend; a beautiful, sexy, funny, silly girlfriend, and I loved and still love her very very much. But on October 1st, 2011, she sent nudies to one of her guy friends. When I found […]
On good days she feeds you with crumbs. You are irrelevant. You are only the host that carries the attention that she craves. She smiles at the ease with which you’ve flayed yourself open for her to take. She tosses you scraps of your own ignorance. The trail of hope  that keeps you coming back. She’ll peck until there is no more. You give because you know that if you stop, she will stop. She has no capacity to love. You have too much. You can only speak of the darkness in cliches. Your screams to God tearing through the sky like unholy devastation. Finding […]