I start most weekends with drinking a bottle of wine, then I have another one and then another. I take a few Xanax and a Vicodin or two. Next thing I know its Monday morning and time to go to work again. When I don’t do that I do meth so I can forget about my life. Yet every Monday I get cleaned up and go back to my job that pays me 300k a year. Three of my friends have killed themselves. I have tried at least twice. Now days I rather dull things with liquor and Xanax or meth. So I can get up […]
Twisted and ill thoughts,
Shallow breathing,
Slit your wrists,
Forget the bleeding,
Go ahead, pull your hair,
A few more dull razors,
The memory is still there,
Close those big shiny, brown eyes,
They’re still watching, just in disguise,
The nightmares still haunt you in your dreams,
To all your monsters, you’re just a puppet on strings.
The deep and uncontrollable need for that pure dark silence…Â The blissfull absence of all senses…Â I want it, but I know I am not allowed…
On a good day, the suicidal thoughts used to roam my mind on and off through out the day. At night, while in bed, no matter what I did, my mind would wander to the topic. The medication has helped…a lot, but now, with the weather being so unpredictable with rain coming and going and the humidity, my body is contributing to the reasons “why not” and is pushing past the barrier so carefully constructed by the various pills I […]
I feel so alone.
I know im not though, im surrounded by friends, a thing many people wish for and want.
But i feel so dead inside, I don’t feel happy underneath that grin. I act like a joking clown and don’t take many things seriously. In return, when i am serious, they don’t take regard of it and over look it as one of my jokes. I’ve tried telling them that i hurt, that im sad and pitiful and it makes me hate myself because i don’t deserve pity but, once again, they brush it off and walk away. I act like a hero when i […]
I don’t know why but these days I’ve been feeling tired, mentally. I feel bored easily, I don’t feel passionate about what I do every day and I just feel like dying just to discover whether God exist or not. It’s like I lost my motivation to live and I don’t know what I held on since I started living, having said that nothing major happened to my life but as each month pass by, it gets worse. Don’t really care about things happening around me, habits that I used to have got really dull and I started to question the point of living. Some […]
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