Everyone is gone for Halloween. Even my lol online friendlist is completely empty, and they are nerdos like me! How come everyone else is having fun on a day like this and I am just sitting here doing what I always do. Oh right, for a second there I forgot I have no friends. Hm, maybe I should acquire some imaginary friends, but they’ll probably dump me as well. I guess that only leaves only the computer. At least he doesn’t judge.
Tag:
everyone
Tonight, I had a close friend to me decide that he hates me. He decided I wasn’t worth it anymore, and he told me to f**k off and kill myself. I’m not gonna lie, that hurt me terribly. I wish I could just disappear and never come back. I’m feeling so guilty.. What if I really am the problem? I’m starting to think I’m the problem. I mean, can you blame him, our anyone else, for walking away from me? I’m a *****. I’m stupid. I’m pretty ugly too. I’m fat, I’m mean, I’m prudish, I’m snooty, and I am a terrible person. I’m a […]
I’m just honestly sad about school and everything. It honestly sucks that everyone judges you on everything so I basically have no friends. I just want to talk to someone about what I honestly feel because I can never talk to someone about it at school because it spreads. I don’t think I can smile everyday pretending everything is alright
What’s it like for everyone inside your heads? Inside mine I never have perfect clarity. It’s like everything is blurry and I feel extremely dissociated. I don’t know whether my anxiety makes me like this or what. It’s so awful to be confined to this tiny space and feeling like I’m completely and utterly insane. Everything is so uncomfortable and blurry and just plain wrong. What’s it like for everyone else?
Doesn’t it feel like we always have to prove something to somebody to get anywhere? When we work for others, our boss. When we work for ourselves, our clientele/fan base. And all of it is typically for one thing: money, the item through which we sustain a living.
Now being a rather introverted individual, I often find the task of socializing with anybody to be rather exhausting. So then how might I go about making plenty of money when I hate probably the most important aspect of earning it? Building rapport, networking, and selling on my particular skillset/product seems like a lot of unnecessary stress.
Take my […]
..
But we all know that answer. Today’s adventures included going to Skyzone. It’s a place where the walls and floors are trampolines. Needless to say, I had never before been on a trampoline. It was amusing, but while everyone who went was laughing anand joking around, I was hanging in the background like I do at every social event, making sure I was making the proper “happy face” and laughing at the correct volume. I wish I could say I had fun, but I honestly didn’t feel anything….well, I did jump into the foam pit and army crawled out because I’m too short to climb […]
Dear mom,
I know this will hurt you for as long as you live. I don’t know what to say to ease the pain I’m going to cause, but I know that ‘sorry’ changes little. Though I will tell you why I did this, I know you’ll still be overwhelmed, confused, and hurt. Everything that was going through my head before I did this can be found in the Notes and Momento apps on my iPod if you’re interested. Everyone will probably think that this was an irrational decision done on impulse, but it wasn’t. There was a lot of thought put behind it, and there […]
I am sad to announce that, I am effectively going to end my life soon.
I don’t feel the need like to continue living, I don’t feel the need to continue worrying about anything. I am not going to talk about why I am going to end up my life, but just wanting to make you know is because I just can’t continue having pain.
I am going to leave everything, I don’t know how I am going to do it, but this is the last time i touch a keyboard; this is the last time i touch anything.
I am fucking annoyed of everyone […]
Hello everyone.
Yes, I’m still here.
I was about to do it but called a very important person to say goodbye. Someone I love very much. Someone I had once but do no longer. They told me that they couldn’t be with me if I was gone. So with that little bit of hope, I put the bottle away. I still have my suicide date set for the day after Thanksgiving (how ironic), but for now, I’m hanging in there.
Thank you to everyone who answered my last post. It meant a lot to me.
I feel nothing anymore. I just want my old life back i want to kill myself now and I want everyone to know that I hate my life I want her to know that I’m fucking done with her bullshit I want her to know I’m a fucking idiot I hate the fact that she makes me look bad that she kisses another guy and thinks it’s ok that fact that you doesn’t really love me the fact that I’m nothing to her that she likes guys looking at her that she doesn’t tell me shit I fucking hate my life why can’t I fucking […]
I don’t really know what to say. I’ve gotten so used to saying nothing to people because they don’t want to hear about what’s on my mind. And because I’m afraid of the consequences. The psych ward is no fun. Jail is no fun. I’m never going back to either. I used to cut. Pro tip: if anyone asks about the marks, just lie, even if it’s not believable. They won’t challenge you on it because they don’t want to deal with it. Fortunately the scars have faded with time and I have hairy arms so nobody ever notices unless I show them. My […]
“A Nightmare Bruce Wayne, Are You A Hero”
An Crane, what kind of man have you became
My first child-hood friend here under the sun
What would you, can you know the truth
Do you fly or, don’t leave me in my chain
This one’s for you, what kind of man can we
Here, it has been the end so long ago
Eternal, rotting death, my path to the sky
This has been the last, the last spit
Black dragon, Ouroboros clan, a white lotus
I can no longer, are you Robin or Nightwing
Back when we were ten-years-old
When I first came to the air of […]
My trial begins in a couple of weeks. I’ve just come back from a weekend away with my in-laws and had an amazing time.
Obviously the discussions moved round to the allegations I will be fighting, and have had a resounding vote of confidence from everyone.
Ahem. *clears throat* Awkward. TnT Fuck. Anxiety. Let’s see. Lost 3 friends to suicide. 1 had recently attempted. Idk. I used to have a whole group of friends. Depression came by for a visit. Boom. Became distant and just closed myself up from everyone. Avoiding people all day at school unless I’m stuck with a partner. Realized no one gives a shit about me disappearing. Yep. *becomes air* Probably going to fail school because I’m skipping classes to avoid having anxiety attacks even though I still have them. Holy horseshit I’m probably sounding like some little shit right now. *face palms* How did I even […]
If you have a broken smile and scars on your skin, stop and read this.
You’re beautiful/ handsome and you can do this. You can make it through today and every day afterwards because guess what?
You’re worth it. You’re worth every moment of life and every breath you take is just showing everyone who has ever put you down that you win, not them. Don’t ever give up.
…and the people who frequent it, the drifters, the lurkers, the class-clowns, the drama queens, and everyone in-between. I may not post much, but I read, or at least skim over, most of the posts here. Why do I find what depressed and suicidal people have to say so fascinating? Ugh, idk man. Probably because I’m crazy too. Whatever the case may be, SP has been a weird sort of bastion for me, so I thought I’d throw this out there.
Here’s to Shep, the Kiwi of many names, inspiring many a pondering and many a laugh with thought-provoking posts and witty comments alike. Introduced […]
I fake it all so well. Everyone thinks I’m this happy little girl with no worries and in reality it’s a mask. A mask to the pain and horror I go through. They don’t see that little girl they think is happy cry herself to sleep every night. They think nothing’s wrong with me. Little do they know I fake everything just so they don’t know I cut and cry and want to die every night.
I want to die. Everyday, the people closest to me convince me that im worthless and I can never do anything right. Today was the closest I’ve been to killing myself. About to step off and hang from the rope in my basement, I couldn’t commit. I don’t have the guts to end my suffering and save everyone from the troubles of dealing with my now hollow, angry, and hopeless persona. I dont remember the last time I was happy, I can’t even laugh anymore. I keep trying to end my sadness, however in vain my attempts. I know I will meet my end soon. […]
So im 18, I know what everyone will say, you still have so much to live for. Well honestly I dont, my life is so fucking shit. Im seen as unattractive and stupid, I feel so alone all the time. I used to have confidence and talk to girls, but I got regected countless times. There is no one out there who actually appreciates me. So there was this one girl who I thought was perfect, we talked about everything. When somehow I managed to screw that up as well. Sucide is something ive comtemplated way to much for my age. If life doesn’t improve […]
Hello everyone, I am a married father of two with a great job in which everyone treats me with the utmost respect.
But yet, every day I wake up miserable and I want out of this life I live.
At work, I get praise and adulation from my staff and superiors, even to the point where I may be looking at a promotion in the future as a branch manager for the company I work for.
At home, is where my life is a constant Hell…it seems like I can never do anything right for my family, and I screw up on a regular basis, bringing disappointment to […]