I’m fucking 19 years old and every god forsaken thing is happening to me, i cant seem to find a way out of this fucking life i just need a way to get away from it all, i wanna just like fucking die just leave every body, everything, every fucking bitter memory cause fact of the matter is i am a bitter memory. iI’ nothing more then that white stuff on the side of your mouth when you’re thirsty just give me a fucking good way to kill myself and leave behind this bitter world so so people wont have to see me again, wont […]
Tag:
Fact Of The Matter
In the last week or two, I have been taken to the hospital for breaking down in class and revealing my suicide plan to the guidance councillor. I could say that I was surprised, but I wasn’t. The moment I said, “the fact of the matter is that I am suicidal,” I knew I was screwed. So, my parents were notified and I was shown the doors of the ER. However, I was able to avoid admittance, if only barely, by bravely lying my way out. On the exact same day I planned to kill myself, I smiled, laughed, and maintained my composure. So it’s only […]
I don’t have a tragic life story. I don’t have an awful past. If anything I’ve been spoilt and I’m lucky.
But that still doesn’t stop me from feeling so worthless, useless, pathetic. I’ve got everything I could ever want, and it’s still not enough. I still cry myself to sleep, I still self-harm on occasion. I still look in the mirror every morning and feel physically sick at what I see. I still think about how it would be to just end it all. To just leave everything behind.
For six years I was bullied, day in day out. I was called fat, ugly, pathetic, worthless, […]
I purely and thoroughly hate myself. There’s no sugar-coated layer to hide the fact of the matter.
Ever since I was a kid, clinical depression has lingered in every thought I’ve conceived. In public, I have it all: grades, musical/athletic talent, friends to fuck around with on the weekends. Reality? I’m smart, but totally unmotivated. I can answer questions in class and still not account for shit when it comes to my work. Music takes up my whole time, so what’s left for sports? I don’t want to get any unhealthier, but Jesus, my motivation spectra is as broad as the water level in the Saharra Desert. And sure, I have friends… Even that’s subjective, […]
Just when i needed people the most, they all just stepped back.. at the same time nonetheless. I can’t fix this, and it really feels like everyone just expects me to snap out of it. My kids are keeping here, but the torture and torment inside my head has become almost constant. It would be very easy to just give in to the thoughts but i can’t help but fight it and that’s what makes it worse. If i let the paranoia take over, I just wouldn’t allow anyone around me. but there’s this part of me that yearns for understanding. Someone who will try […]