So I have been fighting the urge to kill myself off and on for about 15 years now. Sometimes I lost and attempted suicide. So far I have tried twice, once when I was uncertain so it was a far cry from a real attempt, and once when I would have died had my neighbour not have found me. Problem is, I really do want to die but I don’t want to kill myself. I keep praying not to wake up and find myself full of rage when I wake up in the morning. I am so angry and depressed. I feel stuck, literally, we […]
Used a razor blade for the first time, and let me tell you, it’s a far cry from my old blunt carving knife from my less than successful scout days.
I didn’t like it. I’ve been planning to kill myself with them, but… Cold feet again. I feel so disgusted. All these pathetic lines down my left arm, and for what? I can’t escape from here, I’m trapped. It was all just a pipe dream.
I just want to be safe. Safe and happy and oblivious. Dream pretty, achievable dreams. Forget I ever existed and become someone else. Someone who isn’t a complete idiot.
I mean all this […]
Well this ain’t no sideshow
This is the great unknown
This is the poison we take
Yeah
Outside the velvet rope
Standing there all alone
Are the grotesque and ashamed
Yeah
Well if you think real beauty’s on the outside
Well that’s a far cry
From the truth
Maybe all the information you received
Well you should not believe
There’s no proof
Save yourself from all the lies of the beautiful people
It’s time to run from the lies of the beautiful people
I feel so traumatized
Doped up and televised
Life can be cruel and insane
Yeah
But we’ve got these ugly scars
On our infected hearts
Maybe it’s time […]
We sometimes want to go back to the past but we are disturbed when we theorize that a visit to the past may not be what we envisioned. The past is DEAD. If we go there then there is nothing but rotting and decaying reality which poorly mimics the present reality. Going back to the past is like digging up an old body and expecting that body to communicate like it did when it was ALIVE. We want so much to go back to the past but what happens when realize the truth that what we wish for will be disgusting and perverted – which […]
~Arthur Schopenhauer on Suicide ~
Studies In Pessimism Full Article
“In my chief work I have explained the only valid reason existing against suicide on the score of mortality. It is this: that suicide thwarts the attainment of the highest moral aim by the fact that, for a real release from this world of misery, it substitutes one that is merely apparent. But from a mistake to a crime is a far cry; and it is as a crime that […]