And to think that I actually believed you.
You said you wanted me, just me. Now you’re changing, and you no longer want me anymore. Yeah. Leave me. From the beginning, I’ve never left you at all. If I do so it must be because you’re busy. Or I need time alone. You left me. You said I will leave, but now you’re the one leaving. Yeah go on. I like how you lie. Yeah. Go on. Pain is addictive. Hurt me more if you can. In this relationship I’ve never pretended before. I sincerely love you with all my heart. Hah. Who knows, […]
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Hah
I saw something on the net recently about sleeping positions and what they supposedly mean about your personality and what not. Now, I’m not the type to buy into things like that, but I had to have a bit of a sad, grudging laugh when I thought about it. My usual sleeping position was not listed. I tend to sleep on my back, legs together and hands folded neatly on my chest, like someone laid out for burial. I never really noticed before. Hah… I wonder what that says about me.
It’s fine
I’m fine.
everything is fucking perfect.
no.
wait.
that’s a lie.
it isn’t.
and it won’t be.
“comon you idiot, smile. fake it! fake it!”
shut up coscience.
Look, pick your damn head up.
look in his eyes.
comon!
look!
jackie!
“I can’t…”
“he’s crying.”
“i’m dead…finally.”
he’s crying.
no, he’s laughing.
they all are.
they all are happy.
she’s dead, she’s dead, out her ankle she bled yay yay she’s dead.
they chant.
fucking cunts.
how am I seeing this.
my death.
holy fuck am I dead.
wake up.
wake up.
wake up.
wake up.
wake up.
shut up.
no.
I’m fine…
It’s okay…
So school starts tomorrow. I’m so not happy about it. I’m losing my best friend to someone who’s just like her, and apparently is so much better than me. Clearly, everyone’s better than me. Last night, I was alone. I could barely breath, I just felt like a huge weight was on my chest. I cut my leg with a razor blade that I’m going to take to school just in case. The past couple days I’ve been numb. I can’t feel a thing. I’m so depressed recently. I’ve stopped eating as much as I used to, and I rarely laugh. I was […]
it irritates me soooo godamn much how everyone try to downplay my feelings and coin it as a sort of illness that can be overcome if I try. I’m not looking for sympathy. i don’t care about that either. ppl telling me im still young, i need to see a doc and such really ticks me off. when im angry, i throw things. okay, face it u do-gooders. u arent gonna save us. we dont need u saving. take ur nice ass off somewhere else. im trying my godamn best to live on. i dont need ppl saying to buck up, to try harder when im […]