Uhh Ima just lay here.. Im fucked up enough i should pass out soon
im fucked up
Mkay so hi call me Crystal im 12 dont judge plz
So recently my life has been fucked up. I live in Indonesia and yes im asian. But i just moved to this shitty place called Thailand and gonna fucking live there for 3 fucking years.
That wasnt so bad although im FORCED to leave my loved ones back there.
Everything was quite good until school came.
Yeah school, the worst place ever in my fucking life.
And yes, school sucks. Theres too many boys and i dont fucking like one of them. And there are too many people there and i cant fucking take it anymore. I hate social life, i hate public, i hate ppl, i hate crowds. And i dont want to fucking date even if im 16 and my mom will probably fucking kill me if i dont have a bf, nice.
And an interesting fact about me before u guys comment like “OH BE OPEN TOWARDS PPL” is I CANT FUCKING TALK OKAY.
I cant talk to someone irl srsly.
I can only talk in social medias. And i like being a ***** in social medias.
You’ll probably be like “Oh find someone to talk to” but thats not easy for me coz i have no one in this world that i can trust and talk to.
Im always awkward irl and i really cant talk to ppl, and i like to cheat and be such a ***** in social medias, or multiplayer games (ex: Minecraft).
And here comes my family, its not good because i cant choose my own fucking way and my brother is such an asshole, and my mom is gonna give birth. And its gonna be my fucking brother. I hate it so much.
Sometimes i wonder like “why cant i be like her, so lucky and free?” But ik one thing that i cant be her because, look. Im crystal, not her. So i cant be her or like her.
Ik my situation is kinda lame, but yknow as a 12 year old dumb ***** who fucking sucks a dick and an asshole, its hard. U guys never know how this feels, okay.
And i realize that i just want fame. I cant lay my eyes onto a different prize or something. I fucking want fame. But yknow what, its not possible. I cant do anything because i cant dance, i dont have any talent and my voice fucking sucks. I cant go into a vocal training thing because like i said before, my family is being a *****. I cant have freedom. And im not confident and super duper shy.
I started making a youtube channel monthssss ago and look, i got only 2 subs! Yay. ?
And i wonder like WHY THE FUCK THEY HAVE TO EVEN HAVE A GOOD VOICE, GOOD ACCENT, GOOD ENGLISH AND STUFF?!?!?! Yeah God isnt treating me fair like the others.
I stop calling my instagram idol senpai because that makes the situation worse. And it makes me feel that i want to be like them.
Right rn im gonna stop right here mkay.