When I’m at the lowest point in my life, I always come back to this site. Reread old post, and try to compare my current life to back then, Everything is pretty much the same, It’s just a matter of when ?
Haven’t been on here in awhile dont even see the same names. Ive been trying my best to keep myself a little bit sane. I just really dont feel like trying anymore. Whatever path i take its only temporary happiness, life has its ways of crashing down hard. Snapping me back to reality. I hate myself, im tired of the pain. I dont want to feel worthless anymore. I want to feel like im meant to be here, feel special. All i know is pain.
I don’t want to hope for the best. Wish for change. Dream of a better life. Im done being suicidal. But that doesn’t stop the thoughts. I just want to quietly waste away. And just let life decide when its gonna end.
Its been a while and ive came to the conclusion that nobody gives a fuck about me. And if the only way I can be cared about is if I was dead then so be it. Id rather be dead and loved then be alive and hated.
Its been awhile probably because I’ve been happy and getting good help. But now some bad decisions on my part has triggered my depression bad. I’m trying not to think suicidal but i am going to cut so I won’t. I was 2 months clean. I hate my life.
Just 8:30 and im already drunk and depressed. Just took my meds so hopefully i fall asleep soon. I feel like im keeping myself alive waiting for something to live for when theres a million reasons not too. Im really close to giving up. But i might go back to cutting. Id rather do that then get drunk.
Its the weekend…like that even matters.. Time to get drunk ???
Gettn super high tonight leaving the drinking for tomorrow. So yeah ima be up allnight. Its sad that the only way i can get some sleep is by being drunk.
Gettin drunk off my ass.!!
Up drunk and in my feelings. Wouldn’t it be fun to down all my medicine’s and never wake up. Some mixture should be lethal enough. I doubt it though. Im not that lucky. But we will see. *Fingers crossed*
How do you tell someone you love that you dont want to live anymore. That your not just saying it because your having a severe depression episode but that you just literally dont want to live anymore. That they should move on. And that you shouldn’t speak anymore cause it would be pretty fucked up for them to stick around until you killed yourself Plus you dont want them to hurt themselves , because of you. So what do you do… Nothing. Even though your biggest fear is never seeing them again. Lose the best thing to happen to you after life fucked you. Lose that love that wasn’t near perfect. But it was the perfect love for you. Be miserable until you take your last breath. Dont tell them anything. Quietly take your exit maybe they’ll forget about you. Move on. And they will never know your gone.
Oh god i want to die. Everything just hurts so much. I cant take it anymore
I really need some sleep.. At least an hour. So ima just lay here.. Hopefully something happens.
Uhh Ima just lay here.. Im fucked up enough i should pass out soon
Getting drunk again.. What a surprise.. I should be ashamed. Im a mess. Im a complete dumb ass. Im Pathetic. And worst of all im alive.
I feel like life is one long ass horrible ass nightmare. And if i die I’ll wake the fuck up.
- It sucks seeing ppl around you so happy. Its killing me. My bestfriend just had her second baby. She has a beautiful family. And i got depression and newly found bpd. I keep saying i want to get help. I need help. Help realizing that its okay that life sucks..but do i really want to be just okay?? No i dont. I want something that i can never have and im stupid for putting myself through shit when theres a way out. I dont want to fight anymore. All i do is drink till i pass out. I dont eat barely sleep. Im sick. I get so mad like why me why fuckn me. But i cant change anything. Everthings in the air at this point. I want to die. And i will. Thats my happiness.
Today im telling my sister that i need help. Im 22 all my life i thought shit would be okay but its not. Mu battle with depression has caused lots of cuts covering my arms and legs and 3 suicide attempts. Im losing. Medicine just didnt cut it. Life always seem to fuck me over in new ways. Nothingd never okay. So this is my last stand. Hopefully i can get the help i need. Wish me luck.