What is life fr, Obviously it’s not mine. You literally have to live for other people. It’s like you know that nobody can help you. Your just tired of being here, nobody can understand the emotions or lack of, that you go through. In pass years I never cared about who I would hurt with me killing myself. But today after having a really bad morning I was enraged and cut myself really bad and I thought, I’ve already started might as well go for the kill, but I thought, what would happen to my dog, will she lay there with me and die from neglect, would she some how alert someone. I couldnt do this to her she’s not even a year old. Should I take her somewhere. I felt so bad I wrapped my arm up took some pain meds and took a nap. Woke up wishing I never did.
I know that there are so many other horrible diseases that need cures but I really wish they would find one for depression. I’m pretty sure we’ve all had our share of hospital stay, pills and therapist. I’ve also been lucky enough to stumble upon this site 6 years ago and have been able to come back whenever I need to vent anonymous and also even though its sucks that anyone has to go through this, but its a little comforting to not be alone. I wish all of us free of the crushing weight of depression.
Its been so long, and I really hate to say I’m back. Its like depression never ends!!! This was the only place I could turn to when things got rough, and I wanted to be a big girl and tough it out, my life just plays over in a shitty loop with extra surprise every go round. I knew that as soon as I tried to find this site it was over, as much as everyone was a big help, I know deep inside I’m a lost cause. I feel like I’m really not supposed to be here like the world is rejecting me, did death forget about like everybody else did, am I just as unimportant as I feel, like that feeling when someone you truly care about just pushes you to the side and your just devastated like no not you. I’d lose anybody but you. This is the first time I can honestly say I’m alone
When I’m at the lowest point in my life, I always come back to this site. Reread old post, and try to compare my current life to back then, Everything is pretty much the same, It’s just a matter of when ?
Haven’t been on here in awhile dont even see the same names. Ive been trying my best to keep myself a little bit sane. I just really dont feel like trying anymore. Whatever path i take its only temporary happiness, life has its ways of crashing down hard. Snapping me back to reality. I hate myself, im tired of the pain. I dont want to feel worthless anymore. I want to feel like im meant to be here, feel special. All i know is pain.
I don’t want to hope for the best. Wish for change. Dream of a better life. Im done being suicidal. But that doesn’t stop the thoughts. I just want to quietly waste away. And just let life decide when its gonna end.
Its been a while and ive came to the conclusion that nobody gives a fuck about me. And if the only way I can be cared about is if I was dead then so be it. Id rather be dead and loved then be alive and hated.
Its been awhile probably because I’ve been happy and getting good help. But now some bad decisions on my part has triggered my depression bad. I’m trying not to think suicidal but i am going to cut so I won’t. I was 2 months clean. I hate my life.
Just 8:30 and im already drunk and depressed. Just took my meds so hopefully i fall asleep soon. I feel like im keeping myself alive waiting for something to live for when theres a million reasons not too. Im really close to giving up. But i might go back to cutting. Id rather do that then get drunk.
Its the weekend…like that even matters.. Time to get drunk ???
Gettn super high tonight leaving the drinking for tomorrow. So yeah ima be up allnight. Its sad that the only way i can get some sleep is by being drunk.
Gettin drunk off my ass.!!
Up drunk and in my feelings. Wouldn’t it be fun to down all my medicine’s and never wake up. Some mixture should be lethal enough. I doubt it though. Im not that lucky. But we will see. *Fingers crossed*
How do you tell someone you love that you dont want to live anymore. That your not just saying it because your having a severe depression episode but that you just literally dont want to live anymore. That they should move on. And that you shouldn’t speak anymore cause it would be pretty fucked up for them to stick around until you killed yourself Plus you dont want them to hurt themselves , because of you. So what do you do… Nothing. Even though your biggest fear is never seeing them again. Lose the best thing to happen to you after life fucked you. Lose that love that wasn’t near perfect. But it was the perfect love for you. Be miserable until you take your last breath. Dont tell them anything. Quietly take your exit maybe they’ll forget about you. Move on. And they will never know your gone.
Oh god i want to die. Everything just hurts so much. I cant take it anymore
I really need some sleep.. At least an hour. So ima just lay here.. Hopefully something happens.
Uhh Ima just lay here.. Im fucked up enough i should pass out soon
Getting drunk again.. What a surprise.. I should be ashamed. Im a mess. Im a complete dumb ass. Im Pathetic. And worst of all im alive.