You are the only reason I’m still alive, everyday I wake up for you. I wake up so that I can call you once more so that I can hear your soft voice, or your pissed off grunts in the morning when I awaken you from asleep that is so much more important then me. I’m crazy your crazy, but together we are we’ll not completely normal but less crazy. You are my light at the end of a dark long tunnel, if I didn’t have you I would have nothing. Your brown/red/blondish hair is beautiful and I love running my fingers through it and […]
I was happy in the haze of a drunken hour
But heaven knows I’m miserable now
I was looking for a job, and then I found a job
And heaven knows I’m miserable now
In my life
Why do I give valuable time
To people who don’t care if I live or die ?
Two lovers entwined pass me by
And heaven knows I’m miserable now
I was looking for a job, and then I found a job
And heaven knows I’m miserable now
In my life
Oh, why do I give valuable time
To people who don’t care if I live or die ?
What she asked of me at […]
Dang, I haven’t been on here in forever, it brings back so many memories! I see there’s a lot of new additions to this site. Nice to see some new faces. Erm. Uh. You know what I mean. Anyway, I was just in the neighborhood and thought I’d update on the depression status.
My parents found out that I had been cutting, and they took my knife, blades, safety pins, and lighters away. I haven’t cut in 2 months and 3 days. I have never wanted to cut this badly before. My scars all look like those really cool white ink tattoos and you […]
I’ve been hearing of allot of suicides in the news lately,allot of young people too.Jumping from a building and in front of a train are the preferred methods.This is a bigger problem than I thought.Why does life suck so much?
When you sink into your low points, the pro/con ratio presents itself. You search for reasons to stay or go. It’s pathetic that a lifetime bottles down into a risk vs. reward scenario.
My question is, do you really need a reason? Do you honestly have to maul over the burdens that make living desirable?
It can be true that most of life’s setbacks are temporary problems. But some linger and will never be resolved. When they continue to stack up and never find a working solution, hope is in decline.
So I find it’s not as simple as hovering over one reason or a couple. It’s […]
Mine looks like a contorted black hole that sucks everything around into its center.
I had been like this before, but this time is different. I had tried suicide once before: i tried drinking detol, quite clumsy and painful i would imagine, my mother threw a fit about ‘what the neighbors would say’ – i find her scent now, she stinks.
I never really admitted whether I had depression or not, it seems like something quite subjective and personal. I only know that I feel numb and hopeless and meaningless and sometimes i cry but then that seems pointless as well. though i have so many monetary […]
She’s so alone in the dark…abhorring herself more and more as nights go by.
Falling…
Falling…
Ever so deep into despair. The rest of the world look on from the top of her hole and cast laughs and hate..and pity.
Just close your eyes and sleep, young one, for you’ve held on quite long enough
IMO, suicidal people are stuck between Life & Death as the result of a conflict: Intellect vs Emotions
on a purely rational level, we realize human life is meaningless, especially from a cosmic perspective
whether humans are or not, the Universal Mind will continue to create .. when man has disappeared, I really doubt It’ll pause to think: “wow I really miss mankind :'( Let me recreate man to fill this void I’m feeling”
unfortunately, our emotions get in the way .. thanks to social conditioning
social conditioning says: every life has a purpose ; it will get better ; you wouldn’t appreciate life if it only had ups […]
I’ve been taking Saroquel for just under a week now.. i dream every night and they’re so vivid. It’s like i’m myself.. but a different branch? Like i’ll dream about things that are happening in my life, but i’m a different version of me in the dream. It’s weird. Anyone notice anything similar on it?
I start most weekends with drinking a bottle of wine, then I have another one and then another. I take a few Xanax and a Vicodin or two. Next thing I know its Monday morning and time to go to work again. When I don’t do that I do meth so I can forget about my life. Yet every Monday I get cleaned up and go back to my job that pays me 300k a year. Three of my friends have killed themselves. I have tried at least twice. Now days I rather dull things with liquor and Xanax or meth. So I can get up […]
Around last year, 7th grade, I started feeling depressed for no reason. I was crying every day and getting suicidal thoughts. My mother got me tested and we found out I have depression. I have switched medicines I think 3 times now. Lately I have stopped taking my medicine and I have been feeling better, but tonight I fell asleep or something and woke up with my internet pulled up with “can I overdose on celexa” in the search bar. I started crying. I still haven’t stopped. I thought about it and I’m actually thinking about what it would be like if I did kill […]
When they say silence is golden,
you know it’s true,
when you experience her,
yelling at you.
You want to cry,
you hold back tears,
everything you lost,
is so near.
You look her in the eye,
and take it like a man,
even when you’ve had enough,
when it’s all you can stand.
She doesn’t care,
she keeps yelling.
Maybe becomes physical,
she says don’t go telling.
You keep your mouth shut,
you wipe away your tears,
you put on a fake smile,
for your sanity my dear.
Once your awake,
you fear the day,
you want to go back to sleep,
and make your pain wash away.
When she […]
You were that foundation
Never gonna be another one, no.
I followed, so taken
So conditioned I could never let go
Then sorrow, then sickness
Then the shock when you flip it on me
So hollow, so vicious
So afraid I couldn’t let myself see
That I could never be held
Back or up no, I’ll hold myself
Check the rep, yep you know mine well
Forget the rest let them know my hell
There and back yet my soul ain’t sell
Kept respect up,the best they fell,
Let the rest be the tale they tell
After playing video games for a while I decided to take a nap and I had a nightmare about my time in the hospital and I ended up waking everyone up with my screaming (I occasionally talk in my sleep) and my mother keeps bringing it up… I told myself that I would stop cutting but again I failed :p I suck but whatever. Hey at least I admit it! 🙂 Anyway I’ve decided to kill myself but I keep pushing it back. I don’t know when but I don’t want it to be spontaneous because then i’ll make a mistake and have […]
I’m kind of partial to old movies, especially Film Noir and B-horror/Sci Fi from the 40’s and 50’s. On the 9th of December Kirk Douglas will turn 98 fucking years old (if he lives that long). I hear he’s a damned lecher and a womanizer – in fact as I recall just a year or so ago he was accused of sexual assault. You would think someone with as much money, fame and fortune as he has could at least keep his shit behind closed doors – I mean (and not to be crude or crass) he could buy any elite hooker on the planet […]
It rained here in Colorado. Only for a bit, but for those few minutes, I was actually happy. Everyone looked sad, and I stood out in the rain grinning like an idiot. Rain smells good.
http://www.monster10.com/The-10-Best-Ways-To-Fight-Depression.htm
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9. Don’t Drink! Drinking and drug use are only a temporary fix and most times amplify your emotions. Stay away from the alcohol and the booze!
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8. Eat healthy! You are what you eat and junk foods are not healthy. Loose the fast foods and saturated fats and you’ll start feeling lighter and better. Fruits and veggies will do wonder for your mind and body. An apple a day keeps depression way!
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7. Drink Water! Stay after from carbonated drinks and liquids filled with sugar. 8 glasses a day will keep you hydrated and flush out bad toxins that keep you in a rut.
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6. Listen to music! Listen to your favorite tunes and feel free to sing […]
I have meddled with suicide, sure. That changed when my father showed his nonchalance towards my death.
“Go ahead and jump,†he said.
Just two months ago some 21 year-old guy plunged from the 19th floor of a shopping mall here, and DIED. Everyone around him carried on as usual. Though plenty of Facebook shares from mortals pretending to care, while they barely know a thing about the guy and the hell he went through (lots of gory pictures too!). It was in the news as well. Would not go into details but my godmother knew him in person, so I know the backstory a […]
I just don’t see how things will get better… I have screwed up my life and continue to let others do the same. It’s like I don’t have a backbone. That makes me feel like even if my circumstances change instantly, I will still be screwed up. I’ve lost everything. I’ve had so much stolen from me – literally. I have family that thinks it’s ok to mooch off of me – literally and mentally, and they are totally delusional about it. They have been totally dependent on me since I was a little girl. I’m surprised that I’m not on drugs. I went to […]
‘There once was a ghost of a boy who liked to live in the shadows, so he wouldn’t frighten people. His job was to wait for his sister, who was still alive. She wasn’t afraid of the dark because she knew that’s where her brother was. At night, when darkness came to her room, she would tell her brother about the day. She would remind him how the sun felt on his skin and what the air felt like to breathe, or how snow felt on his tongue. And that reminded her, that she was still alive.’
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Please, […]