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in the

Anywhere but not there

by karakkaas 2/18/2014

written by karakkaas

It’s funny how one can want to die so badly, but want to live at the same time. I’ve been having a really hard time keeping my head out of the water. More so in the past few days than I have in the last month and a half. Usually, I manage to keep myself safe and not commit any rash decisions. I know my desire to die is impulsive. I know there’s no going back.Â I know it’s just an invasive thought that I’ll somehow manage to relegate to the back of my head eventually.

When it gets too intense I know what I need […]

2/18/2014 5 comments

mental health sucks!

by crazylady 2/18/2014

written by crazylady

I really wish that I didn’t have mental health it trulry sucks! You don’t know how ur going to feel from one day to the next especially with bpd. Why can’t I just be free from all this pain.

its not about waiting for Ã°the sorm to pass its about learning Â tood dance in the rain 🙂

2/18/2014 7 comments

I Never Thought I’d Thank You For What You Did To Me.

by caillte 2/17/2014

written by caillte

You thought you could control me and you did, you still do. One thing I want most in life is to become the bigger person, and be able to forgive and forget. Why is it that you make this so impossible for me. I hate you with every inch of my being, my core, soul, or whatever it is that comprises this sad excuse of a human being that I am.

Every hit you gave, physical or emotional, scarred me to an extent which I am ashamed to admit. No one should have such control over another human being like you do with me. I see […]

2/17/2014 0 comment

Forgotten in Time

by TheKnod12 2/17/2014

written by TheKnod12

To help alleviate some of stress lately I decided to make a post on this site. Â I’ve been struggling with depression since I was a young kid, and it’s finally come back in full force. Â I’m currently a sophmore in college trying my hardest to enjoy life but everything I do just seems to end with me wanting to put a bullet in my head. Â If I had a gun at home, I’m not even sure if I’d be here right now.

It’s amazing to me that I’m still struggling with depression. Â I recently received a full ride scholarship and have almost no social anxiety. Â It […]

2/17/2014 0 comment

Trying to be in the moment

by TryingZen 2/17/2014

written by TryingZen

Trying to summarize what has brought me to this place is pretty difficult. When your life is fine (good job, wife, kids) and you still think about killing yourself every day, what do you do? I just have a hard time dealing with the pointlessness and the daily sameness. And the fear. I’m sick and tired of the constant fear that something bad is going to happen to someone I love, especially one of my kids or my wife. So I try to practice my zen breathing and try to live in the moment, and try to appreciate the moment I’m experiencing right now, and […]

2/17/2014 4 comments

Heartsick

by seppuku 2/16/2014

written by seppuku

Need to vent. Try and puke this stuff up on the page (sorry).

I have Bipolar 1, and I have it bad. It’s ruined my life. While manic I did so many crazy and awful things.

When criminals are tried, if a doctor says they were ‘of unsound mind’ that can be a defence.

I have no such defence. Nobody ain’t defending me, and I can’t defend myself.

I brought a child into the world under these regrettable circumstances.

He now, understandably, hates me.

I distract myself continually. I can’t let myself dwell on the past, present or future.

Long time since I posted here. I came back.

Putting my hopes in somehow […]

2/16/2014 0 comment

Fight

by whyyyy 2/15/2014

written by whyyyy

I attempted again and was in the hospital.Â The thoughts can kiss my ass, ill fucken fight em forever if I have too. I have people who love me and I love them, so fuck off or keep fucking I don’t care, I’m gonna make it through this life.

2/15/2014 4 comments

Answering

by LetItGo 2/15/2014

written by LetItGo

If you could change one thing in the past what would it be?
If you had the courage to say something to someone would you?
If you could travel to any place where would it be?
If you could meet anyone who would it be?
If you could save any person who would it be?
If you could say “I love you,” to anyone who would it be?
If you could be allergic to anything what would it be?
If you could do anything what would it be?
If you had no suicidal thoughts or anything depressing what would you be doing right now?
If […]

2/15/2014 26 comments

HELP with Plan Execution

by roskc 2/15/2014

written by roskc

From the musical “Next to Normal:”

Do you wake up in the morning and need help to lift your head?

Do you read obituaries and feel jealous of the dead?

I do.

I am self medicating interior pain at extreme ends with substance abuse, it cannot go on much longer.

My “shut down” cocktail: 400 seroquel, 4 klonopin, 4 tylenol PM plus mult oz of alcohol.

I seek cessation of all the pain, the noise and the agony of the present and future tense.

But its never enough, and I end up waking up to face it all over again.

Can some “bartender” here PLEASE help me create a cocktail that will put […]

2/15/2014 1 comment

exhausted

by pillarofsalt 2/15/2014

written by pillarofsalt

on some days I feel probably okay..i try not to think much but most of the time..i feel exhausted! with my life..it’s just been one failure after another and add to that low self confidence and high self loathing..i just want it to end..if this is life..i don’t want it.. I have issues but I can never talk about them with anyone because whoever I consider close don’t know what it’s like..the whole “move on, fight, get on with it” thing doesn’t work for me..i’m tired of doing all that..im just exhausted and want some permanent rest and I’m in the final stages of getting […]

2/15/2014 0 comment

by Kallian 2/14/2014

written by Kallian

The voice in the back of my head telling me I’m useless is really starting to piss me off…

2/14/2014 3 comments

very lonely San Francisco man

by ersc6541 2/14/2014

written by ersc6541

Any depressed girls here in the city who want to just talk? Â Im not trying to hook up but I have unsuccessfully on dating sites. Â Just being honest. Â Ive attempted suicide several times. Â I even shot up motor oil once. Â My latest plan is to…. Â well I dont want to give it away. Â Everything thinG I do turns to shit. Â Btw …. guys… Â quit hitting on me. Â (Males) Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â […]

2/14/2014 6 comments

Ideas…

by FacelessWords 2/14/2014

written by FacelessWords

I’ve thought about this off and on for several years… I think about it and plan I now more than ever. In the past, I attempted constantly, and of course failed just as constantly. (I apologize for any mistakes that may occur as I’m stubbornly using a mobile phone in bed). The one method I keep coming back to is overdosing on alcohol rectally (because my body clearly has a tendency to puke up harmful things. Stupid body). I am a tiny individual. 5″3′ and 98 pounds. I do not drink alcohol on a regular basis (or at all really) and therefore don’t have a […]

2/14/2014 0 comment

Anger

by sheddingtears 2/13/2014

written by sheddingtears

I don’t know why I’m gettin so mad. It’s not like something to get mad at, it’s the smallest things that make me go off into a loud yelling or scream. I have so much anger and I dont know why.

I get mad at my mom, dad, sister, and especially my friends. I love my friends but I’m starting to hate everything about them. It’s like I want to punch them in the face everyday.

I just feel angry and depressed. So ANGRY…

I feel like the devil is inside of me and taking over my body creating so much hate. Theres just so many things in […]

2/13/2014 2 comments

mornings

by interstella_ 2/13/2014

written by interstella_

I used to like waking up in the morning. But now I can’t stand it. I stay up late unable to sleep. I don’t want to wake up every morning. I want to sleep forever.

2/13/2014 1 comment

Scared

by wethebroken 2/13/2014

written by wethebroken

I have to wake up early in the morning to go see a pyschiatrist.
I’m really scared though.
I mean, what if he/she thinks I’m some crazy person? Or thinks I should be locked up in some mental hospital?
My anxiety is being a big bother at the moment, and I have no mecidine to control it at the moment.
Wish me luck for tomorrow .. er.. today I guess since it’s 12:00 a.m.

2/13/2014 1 comment

Dying

by Nobody_Cares 2/12/2014

written by Nobody_Cares

I’m seriously thinking about suicide too often now. When I’m walking to school from the bus stop, its dark and I think about running in front of a car. And when I get in the school, I think about jumping off the side of the stairs. When I’m home, I plan on overdosing or hanging myself from the hook on my bedroom roof…

2/12/2014 4 comments

Sinking Ship

by slowlyforgetting 2/12/2014

written by slowlyforgetting

This is a sinking ship,
and all around me is water seeping into
my shoes filling it and making me remember
this is only temporary,
that weâ€™re only temporary.

I keep trying to plug this hole in the side
of this boat, but no matter how much glue
I put on it,
it keeps filling up with water.

We donâ€™t have much longer
before we drown,
you may be a skilled swimmer
but weâ€™ll both go down if we donâ€™t
get out now.

-FCS

2/12/2014 0 comment

TEDIUMMM

by plop 2/11/2014

written by plop

I really i’m kind of confused about this. It’s a suicide project, and even when I definitely don’t want to hurt or kill myself, I feel like i’m dying slowly. My disease is tedium, a horrible boredom that I can’t wash away. The worse thing is probably that I can’t explain what I feel, the best expression probably is: I feel like a scab.
I was looking for some help, but the thing is how can somebody help me if even I can’t tell what is going on. It’s probably the nearest thing to “nothing”. “Nothing” is taking away anything from me. So I went […]

2/11/2014 0 comment

I’m New

by Nobody_Cares 2/11/2014

written by Nobody_Cares

Hey I’m new to this website and I think I might be in the right place. So a little bit about myself… Well, I’m a cutter and I have tried suicide about 5 times already. My mom told me that if I really wanted to die, I would have succeeded already. And my dad told me that he would help me by getting the pills or talking to a doctor to put me down… So, I might make rants or post the suicide notes/letters I wrote on here. Maybe if I try again, I’ll post. Anyway, bye everyone… For now.

2/11/2014 4 comments

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