i am, by all accounts, a survivor, an old school member of this place, and it gets better it gets so much better that i drink, just co i can fall asleep, that my writing talent, the book im going to write, is used up here and on members via email. my way out is a book i can never write, but hay, it gets better,it always gets better…
Yesterday I woke up sad and crying. Two hours later my period started. This isn’t the first time it’s happened, where my period coincides with a drastic turn in mood. Maybe birth control would help?
I spent so much of yesterday crying, just hurting so much. And today’s been pretty much the same, except I’m alone in the house. I tried to do the things that are supposed to help; I meditated (have been somewhat regularly), I did some exercise, I’ve tried to distract myself, forced myself to do some chores and some homework. But it doesn’t go away or lessen. It hurts so much.
It hurts […]
The date is January 19th, 2016. I scroll through my email folders looking for old emails to delete and I come across a strange message saved in the bottom of a website folder.
[the suicide project]
Memories flooded back to me instantly. I log on and see that I’m an enigma. Just one draft from November 26th, 2013.
“Just don’t worry.”11/26/2013
I can’t help it. My brain is defective.
My name is Ashley. At the time of joining this website I was 18 years old and suffering through the worst depression that I had ever endured. The DEPO birth control shot was to blame, of course, but that just made […]
i just need someone to hug me and tell me it gets better.. please.. this hell is killing me
in honour of World Suicide Prevention day last week, I just wanted to share a success story; my story.
1 year ago on June 15, 2014; this was me.
and 461 days later I am still here ??
the bravest thing I’ve done thus far in my life was choosing to stay. to stay, and to keep fighting! life is messy, and it is damn hard, but you know what I also found out a rather hard way? it is REALLY worth it. […]
I’m a teenage drop out, nobody cares about me. I feel horrible and trapped and I’ve been here before, it gets better for awhile, but will always get worse. I’m sick of it, I just rather not exist.
My seasonal job will open soon, I’ll get my money for my method, and I will be good to go.
All my life I’ve struggled against the pain. I’ve wondered what was wrong with me. I’ve carried the demon around for so long I almost forget that other people don’t. I first felt truly suicidal when I was 8 years old. I hated life so much. I don’t think I realized people liked and loved me because I felt so worthless on the inside. We moved when I was 10, and I thought geography would cure me. The pain only got worse with puberty. I even wrote a story about committing suicide, but the school never addressed it.
In 9th grade, a friend died in a […]
Last time I posted on here I was 16 now I’m 19. I still struggle with depression and anxiety I have been diagnosed with major depressive disorder and panic disorder. I have been to a psych ward and everything. I have overcome my self harm. And now I have a wonderful fiance. I guess I just had to wait for things to come to me. No I’m not 100% okay but I’m not on the same state of mind I used to be. I still have the scars from my 16 year old self to remind myself what it was like before. It is better […]
I cannot believe it but I’m at the point where I’m just willing to accept my death. if it comes tomorrow, day after, in the next 5 years even better!Some people say it gets better. for me it never has and now that i’m tired of hoping and trying to work so it does. I am willing to accept that death will be better than this existence. i dont know about afterlife, rebirth and shit. what happens then is another chapter but for now.. Death! i welcome you!
I can’t stop cutting myself. I honestly am sitting on my bed with a knife in my hand cutting away at myself like it’s nothing, but I’m used to it. And I’m so sorry, but I have to admit, I like the way it feels. I love the way I feel the shearing pain of blade against skin as the voices that overtake me slowly fade into a whispering echo in the back of my mind. I feel the stickiness of the blood. I can’t stop. I don’t know why I try. No one can help me and I know that. Don’t tell me it […]
The past 2 years have been hell for me, I cut myself, purged, and binged. The more I did it, the more I realized what I did to myself only made my problems worse. I hit rock bottom when I tried to kill myself… but a song saved me. I realized how stupid I was being and went back to writing music– something I’ve done as long as I can remember. As of today, I have dozens of songs written down and I have 12 about those 2 years that I’m actually going to record and put on an album someday. It really does get […]
It would take hundreds of pages to try and explain everything leading up to what happened at about 10PM, November 7th, 2010 so I think I’ll try to summarize what had been going on in my life.
Ok, so I’m technically a College freshman since, even though I’ve done the whole college thing through Running Start and am considered Junior status, I still have never lived hundreds of miles away from home at a school.
Anyway, for the past year and I half I’ve been off and on dating this amazing, wonderful guy. Then, at the end of the very first week of classes, Friday (and more […]