It will never be ok…
Tag:
Loneliness
all i can think about lately is ending my life. these thoughts went away for awhile. i used to have them all the time when i was little, probably about 7 or 8. i don’t know why i’ve never been able to have happiness. the clues are that my mom worked all the time and i never knew my dad. i didn’t have friends or family growing up. i was very much a loner. i was raped when i was in high school and again, a few years ago. it’s my own fault both times–drinking and being around people who don’t care about you at […]
I am concerned that I can no longer imagine a future for myself. I sleep 8 (or 12) hours a day, and I wish it were 20. And every time I wake up, I am very, very sad.
I thought about killing myself today for what must be the thousandth time. It does not make sense that my brain would choose death as the only remedy for pain, when there are so many other things that can be changed. And yet my brain returns to its deadly, depressing litany. Is it, finally, time to die?
There was to be more, but I […]
Hello out there in suicidal land. I have no hope for the future.
I’m tired of the pain of loneliness. For now, I’m chicken shit. I can’t do it, and I’m sure deep down inside I don’t want to do it. Yet, I keep fantasizing about hanging myself or charcoal combined with car exhaust seems to be the way to go. I need to end this pain. I’m 37. Maybe its time to go. Tell me what is the meaning of life again? See since I wrote that I know I don’t want to go. Suicide is attractive because the pain can end.
This is a vent or rant. I believed life would be fair. I watched tv and it rotted my brain.
I thought one day I would meet a special guy. I met one that I thought was special 9 years ago. He really made me forget about the guy I had a crush on for few years. This man was my first boyfriend at 28 years old. You can believe I thought I would have met a guy that actually was attracted to me before then, but that did not happen. Now I question what if any feelings the guy I met back then had for […]
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