had a thought today what if i did actually kill myself? one of my siblings or my mother finding me? then telling the whole family/close people relating to my death..tears streamed down my face, yes i do feel sad at times and suicidal and when turning to God i feel He isn’t helping me…although God has a plan for me and things happen for a reason..i cannot see or feel that things are picking up but seeing hurt upon my mother’s eyes? even though i would be dead..my mother going through life with pain and hurt from losing a child, her baby who grew in […]
Tag:
Losing A Child
I try to plan an effective way to kill myself, how to do so in a way that would still put my organs to good use, how to do so in a way that minimizes the chance of survival etc. etc. but as I am being comforted by my planning, the people I am close to in my life pop up in my mind. Then my resolve disappears.
I couldn’t do something like that to them, whether or not I manage to make it look like an accident. I’ve never experienced someone close to me dying so I have no idea how painful it actually […]