I’ve made too many mistakes. My life is like a painting that’s been painted over again and again, so much that the errors, the repulsive missteps can’t be hidden anymore. It’s just a big, hot mess. I never knew what Selective Service was until I was too old to register. I waited to start college too late in life. That’s how I found out. I was filing for aid and discovered a problem that I would eventually realize would keep me from ever attending college. I can never get federal aid. My credit has never been good enough to qualify for private loans. So, that’s […]
Tag:
messing up
We all have that one person don’t we. They keep us going, most of them don’t even realise it but shit they help us. Mine is fantastic. They make me feel important and valuable, possibly maybe after time, they could make me happy (happy is a big word for me so I don’t tend to use it when reflecting on myself). This person never has to try to lift me up because knowing their existence is in my presence gives me life. The way they talk with such intellect, their mind, fuck their mind is so beautiful. Logically, I love this human.
But unfortunately it’s contradicts it’s self.
I’m on […]
1. My dog.
2. nothing else.
Things I won’t miss
1. Disappointing everyone
2. Putting everyone on edge.
3. Messing up on a daily basis
4. The friends I thought I had.
5. The fact that you moved on before you’d scrubbed my blood off of your doorstep.
6. That you told me to die because I said I loved you and I needed your help.
I am sorry if you thought I ever blamed you, I really didn’t and I still don’t. You never were the cause of my problems, but I tried to make you the solution. I hope you’re happy in everything you do. I hope you never tell your kids […]
I’m going to jump off a building. My life isn’t even in shambles, which makes me hate myself even more. I got handed what I thought was my dream job. I can’t Handel it, and hate it. I have no backup plan or motivation. All my jobs have been luck, I’m stupid and have no actual skills, hobbies or dreams for the future. Pathetic. All my friends work for the company and I can’t quit. There is no leaving on good terms. I’ve been depressed for months. Can’t stop sleeping. Miserable to be around. Everyone’s advice is to keep trying and figure it out. I’m […]
All of my problems are emotional/mental. I want to be dead so badly. But I can’t because I’m afraid that some dumbass doctor will “save”/torture me by making me a quadriplegic or a vegetable or something.
I’m so fucking desperate to die. It PHYSICALLY hurts. It’s ALL I think about. But several million years of evolution and my fear of messing up is keeping me here, screaming at my rational and moral brain to not kill myself. Base instincts and fear…
I hate being in pain my back n muscles hurt why. I really want to get better but I don’t know how long I can wait before I just give in my spine is curved it messing up my whole body because the spine has a whole bunch of nerves n it makes me feel awful about myself I don’t want this pain