had a thought today what if i did actually kill myself? one of my siblings or my mother finding me? then telling the whole family/close people relating to my death..tears streamed down my face, yes i do feel sad at times and suicidal and when turning to God i feel He isn’t helping me…although God has a plan for me and things happen for a reason..i cannot see or feel that things are picking up but seeing hurt upon my mother’s eyes? even though i would be dead..my mother going through life with pain and hurt from losing a child, her baby who grew in […]
I remember being afraid just to tell people that I got sad at times. They don’t care. They don’t want to be bothered with any of that.
Then it became depression, suicidal thoughts. I didn’t tell a soul. I bit my tongue. I held it in.
It got worse. I Couldent even function.
I asked for help when all they wanted to hear was that I did all of this for attention.
That I cut and made sure to never let the skin be visible.
That I lost the will to live, all for attention.
Therapy. Meds. They give you meds that make you […]
The truth I hold, took years to unfold, locked up and never told. Now I speak, for I am done being weak. A story I will tell, awakening the pits of my hell.
 Pinned against the wall, being six a little small. Tongue against my chest, you can imagine the rest. Touching, feeling, my eyes rolling to the ceiling. I push away, forced down, screaming, but i was never found.
 Day and night, always full of fright kissing, sucking, nonstop fucking. Crying, weeping and always pleading.
Was I that bad […]
I said: “Everyone has problems.”
You said: “You don’t. Your life is perfect.”
I didn’t argue.
But I did come on here right after you left and started writing this whilst inside me everything’s all jumbled up and messy and broken.
We all have our problems, okay. I might not have a horrible home life like you. I might not have been through the same things as you. But let me promise you: I have plenty of problems.
Yes, I have what looks like the perfect life- loving family, nice house, plenty of money etc. And I do actually have all of those things. My parents raised me perfectly and I […]