Will the doors of our perception ever be cleansed?
I couldn’t do what you said
This is a death note instead
There’s these voices in my head
Just wanna put them to bed
They’ve been screaming ’bout the pain
That’s been coursing through each vein
I’ve been trying to hit reset
This is all such a mess
They said suicide is a sin
But this game I cannot win
Tonight, what can happen
Is the third’s one a charm
The dark Ouroboros amulet
One more hour until more
Please take me out, please
My cage thirteen
Take me through the Death Valley
One day through the City of Sin
Cosmic-purity forever chained
In white robe I walk, can you flow and follow
I hope that we can be brothers and sisters
The escape of a ghost
Underneath, the crunching tectonics
Twenty-four-seven, one in seven billion
My name is Celibacy, je suis putain, Albataar
But I know it’s just me but then what now
I seek the luminous, the nature, the glow
I will never touch, forever to […]
I cant stop crying. Why has everything changed!
I’m back to this rotting heap that is my mind and body.
I wish my body were rotting, maybe then it wouldnt be so fat and gross.
New relationship? Â How can I have a good relationship with someone if I cant have one with myself.
I hate everything about this me.
I cant take a deep breath without tearing up,
I cant shower without a razor to my skin,
I cant sleep without dreaming of darkness and I cant smile without a stabbing pain within.
When did my life end and this nightmare begin?!
Words are so beautiful.
So powerful.
A simple string of letters;
a certain arrangement of syllables and consonants and vowels,
that have the ability to move you.
A simple word can begin a friendship
or tear apart a family.
And as we go on each day
we speak only some of these beautiful words
while others sit in our minds
dancing on our tongue
behind our lips,
just desperately trying to escape.
Words are powerful
and beautiful
and meaningful
and life is nothing without them.
So why are we taught to hold our tongue
when some of us are dying to speak up?
And if one voice could be heard,
then that voice could be saved.
But instead we silence them
and teach them to be silent.
For the […]
A gut pull drag on me
Into the chasm gaping we
Mirrors multi reflecting this
Between spunk stained sheet
And odourous whim
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OlQU_7YU6HI
Calmer eye flick shudder within
Assist me to walk away in sin
Where is the string that Theseus laid
Find me out this labyrinth place
Yin and Yang lumber punch
Go taste a tart then eat my lunch
And force my slender thin and lean
In this solemn place of fill wetting dreams
Of black matted lace and pregnant cows
As life maps out onto my brow
The card is lowered in index turn
Into my filing cabinet
Hemispheres burn
You ask me where to begin
Am I so lost in my sin
You ask me where did I fall
I’ll say I can’t tell you when
But if my spirit is lost
How will I find what is near
Don’t question I’m not alone
Somehow I’ll find my way home
My sun shall rise in the east
So shall my heart be at peace
And if you’re asking me when
I’ll say it starts at the end
You know your will to be free
Is matched with love secretly
And talk will alter your prayer
Somehow you’ll find you are there.
Your friend is close by […]
Sugar on your tongue
Inhale
Water licks my blood
Dead pale
Rain fills up my lungs
It’s hail
It’s a hand she held to my chest
Lips to my neck
I didn’t understand
Poison on her breath
Sleeping in her bed
Blood on the sheets
A memory that brings back memories
Red
Sink back, sink stained
Red
Fear
Black out, panic
Fear
Breathe
Drowning, in blood
Breathe
I yearned for his heat
Warm skin
Lust from curiosity
To sin
Exposed to release
Longing
It’s a lack of guidance
A cowards ignorance
No answers given when the questions aren’t asked
I wasn’t okay but no one cared about my pain
Blue
Every day I hold back tears,
Because there’s only one reason I’m here,
I pretend I’m okay,
And try hard to stay,
But nobody knows because nobody cares,
And when I need help no one is there,
I wish I was normal,
And I act immortal,
But when no one is around,
I sit and cry on the ground,
I feel hopeless,
And just lose focus,
I don’t want to bleed,
But everyday i feel the need,
To pick up the knife,
And just end my life,
So far i’m winning,
But I’m near the end my hope is thinning,
Soon I’ll give up,
And I’ll just fuck up,
Till then my skin is clean,
But my luck is like a slot machine,
I can’t win,
Soon I’ll commit the […]
I hate how inevitable it feels. Like, I can pretend all that I want to be happy or that I have purpose or whatever, but it doesn’t change my fate. Like I’m destined for suicide. It’s what I always come back to, and it’s getting harder and harder to say no to it anymore. I don’t want to say no. I just want to be done with all this pain, and this world only dishes out pain. It isn’t going to end in this lifetime, so it’s like my only shot is in the next. But shit, I’m a Christian, and suicide is a sin. Will […]
Ive live 17 years and 2 weeks. these years have been plagued with ridicule ,lies and grief.
i might be the most stupid person i ever meet. living this tragic life of morbid obesity and stupidity is a horrible burden.
So i just wanna feel light and careless. Death please take me.
I want to disappear. I don’t think I want to die as such, I just don’t want to exist, either.
That’s it really, I just don’t want to exist anymore. If I could just flick a switch and not be here anymore, I would. I would do it straight away, no questions asked. I suppose that switch is basically a permanent one, a switch of life or death.
That’s the thing though, I’m unsure whether it’s suicide I want. I want to not be here but I don’t want to be dead.
So am I suicidal? Is it suicidal to just want to disappear?
I hate the word ‘suicide’, […]