Wow. I almost forgot what it was like to be alone. I forgot how gut-wrenchingly horrifying it is. How it eats you from the inside out. boyfriend hast talked to me in over two weeks. We see each other all the time, and I try to talk to him, but it’s like we don’t know how anymore. I’m not going to be able to keep this up. All of my friends have been getting mad at me because I fuck things up all the time. My best friend though, is still there. She’d never leave…right? My only other actual friend is a guy in my […]
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so close
I’ve cut myself off from almost everyone. Nothing has really happened for me to feel so drained and lost. I can’t tell anyone how I really feel. I think about ending everyday. I’ve fooled the best of them denying my thoughts of self harm. Yeah it’s a permanent solution I just want out. Anyone that looks at my life wonders wat the fuck I’ve got to complain about I have a man that is wonderful he’s domestic he certainly doesn’t need me or my negativity. I just want out no one can help me. I’m in cairns Australia I have no friends no one I […]
I am so close to having every thing I ever truly wanted, so why do I still want to kill my self….why am I rejecting life
my best friend is moving away…I don’t know what I’m going to do without her so close to me. It’s a scary thought not knowing what is going to happen 🙁
She cries because she knows I have plans to end it, but I can’t bring myself to tell her she is the reason I’m still alive and the reason I’m so close to dying. She doesn’t want me to die…but the mindset is in place and I don’t know what to do.
what do i do? do i give up? do i stay? why am i here? i need help. nobody listens. im so close. im completely ready. im going to end. but when/
On Thursday night after you didn’t reply I felt alone
On Thursday night it was the first time in a few months that I sobbed myself to sleep
On Thursday night I felt so suicidal
On Thursday night I felt the lowest of low
On Thursday night it was going to be the second time I cut
On Thursday night I was so frustrated with myself I threw my scissors across the room
On Thursday night I was so so so so so close to the edge
On Thursday night I felt very very very worthless
On Thursday night I felt very very very useless
I’ve been so close to almost call him or text him saying that I love him, so much. That I miss him so much. I thought that being drunk would help me to do that, cause I get more sensible, thought that would help me to do it by impulse, but not even drunk I can. I’m such a coward and I’m so fucking afraid.
There’s this stairwell that leads to the edge of a cliff.
If those steps consists of this…
To be Rejected.
To be Dissapointed.
To feel Unloved.
To feel Alone.
To be/feel Depressed.
To be/feel Disregard.
To have no one to turn to.
To be ignore everytime.
Then I’m so damn close to the edge.
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