Can’t get over this
So every-second so close-to
Hell and Heaven
Etch from the essence
I walk for another race
What is the fallacy that I have done
What do you see, what do you hear, what do you speak
What did I ever say my destination was
Like a fish with no water from ages-ago
Who is it that does what in the plague and sickness
I just don’t get it, I just need your oracle from where you stand
Like the Spirit-Bomb, of Goku
Hey it’s me one of the many unknown here.I just…don’t have the power to speak to someone so i guess i will just you know write it here i guess somebody will see it.So i don’t know where to start but i aint gonna make this long i just don’t feel like it.I am here as always alone in my room after a couple of drinks just like always i burns on the inside i guess getting drunk is the only thing that helps me sleep.I’m just laying here alone i have nobody is the same day everyday i just think i’ll quit.I don’t think […]
I’ve never wrote on one of these sites before, and up until recently I thought I was always capable of overcoming the self loathing I feel every day.
It changed recently, my wife left me and now I can no longer speak with her other than through occasional text messages.
I want to find hope in those messages, but I can’t I spent everyday crying and focusing on my way out of this. I’ve ordered everything I need to leave this world except my gas which will be coming soon.
She wanted me to get help and now I am it doesn’t seem to be […]
I have the words on the tip of my tongue, but somehow my coward heart will not let me speak them out.
It’s wasting life, dying slowly. I should love pain, cause he’s the meaning of it.
There are no flowers, no not this time. There will be no angels gracing the lines. Just these stark words, I find.
I’d show a smile, but I’m too weak. I’d share with you could I only speak, just how much this hurts me.
i have none… no friends… not a single one that i can talk to or go hang out with regularly… my friends that i use to have dont speak to me anymore… 4 of them are dead… 2 died by suicide. 1 by heart failure. and 1 by motorcycle accident… im all alone… ive never really been a social person… i dont know how to make friends. im out of school and living with my careless bf and his family… im 18 years worth of nothingness… almost 19… *sigh* i fucking hate everybody i know… i wish to know someone else…
I have been ready to “check out” if you will for the last fourteen years of my life. I feel that I have so much to say but have lost the desire to speak. The only reason that I am still here is because I can’t muster the strength to try again due to the fear of not being successful. I wish there were a way to put my worries at ease although I know that is an impossible need to fulfill.
i cant hold on anither day. the torment i face daily is unbearable and i cant afford to get the healing i need. constant ringing in my ear, constant horrific sore throat, racing thoughts, severe insimnia, severe adrenelone rushes, hot then cold, all alone with this bs for years, i just cant do it. im worn out. beat down. the old system of praticitioners has used me as their medical guinea pig for 26+, all my youth stolen from me, not allowing me to live but instead caging me like animal, taking from me, kicking me. they dont want me to die cause thats no […]
The more I tried to get help and was honest, it would seem that I hit some sort of systemic punishment. Over the years my diagnosis are getting longer, treating physicians are saying I’m too sick to be accepted, and I seem to get punished by care providers when I’m trying my best. I even went to the best facility in the US for an extraordinarily extended period of time. In the end, I learned that I could not speak my truth and was often demoralized at my attempts to combat my suicidality. Why am I the one to blame when the treatments are not […]
…speak the same language.
But hola there.
And as a shy n’ paranoid beign i am i will hide some of the reasons that brought me here (if u don’t mind)
Today is a rainy day but there is no difference to me ’cause i always bring this grey cloud over me. In fact ,i choosed this nickname because the word ‘luck’ wasn’t a very sudden thing in my life. Not only this, but 8 more to come, one worse than the other.
Dunno anything, i just want to die an maybe get some ice cream : )
I’ve been trying to write a break-up letter to my mother for at least a week now. The week before, I waited to make sure I was making the right choice and was not acting uncharacteristically emotional.
I want to write this letter, but I just can’t be bothered. It seems like too much effort. Maybe I need to write down the main points and then flesh it out. Don’t really know why I’m doing it though. I mean, if I’m never going to speak to her or any of her siblings again, do I really care what she thinks? Maybe I’m doing it so she […]
i’m stuck between the floor and the ceiling in my room, surrounded by the ghosts of my past. some say mean things, some are crying and some don’t speak at all. but i can see them. one is standing by the door, blocking my way out. he never speaks. one is lying on the floor dead drunk. one is standing behind me. he split his head so he could whisper to both of my ears.
one is crying in the corner. one is screaming. one is sleeping. one is tearing up my paintings. one is burning up my poems.
none intend to stop.
i go to […]
Every night, I am presented with a truth and every night I only ever speak in it’s truth. The earth trembles, harder. I won’t be going back to the weed store again. When I mean now, I need not to say it again. I’m going on a vacation, by September. My declaration of all. Godspeed.
*
I’ve always been aware of the things around me but yet i’m so scaredof everything. i’m a senior and i’ve been depressed for a long time now. Everyone i had turned their back on me because they didn’t like who i was. worse,when it ever came to confrontations iwas and still afraid of standing up for myself and i hate the fact that i’m weak and worthless. I often hide how i feel and disguise it, noone cares about me. Last year i tried comitting suicide a couple of times but failed because i don’t want to die without atleast trying to be happy. i […]
Fucking why does my life have to be so fucked up I don’t even want to talk about it anymore like fuck I wish I could just go to sleep and never wake up!
I just never want to be looked at again
I don’t want to be spoken to or speak myself!
This life has won the game already and it’s just pulling me along for more pain to be felt!
Quit fucking around and let me get hit by a car or truck tomorrow!
@$&%#%#&$&@#%
A family who constantly makes things worse for you. Call you harmful names that push you over the edge every night.
Friends who see what’s happening to you but never speak up. No matter how many hints you give they will never help.
Teachers who see you struggling but look the other way.
Coworkers who see your smile fading each day yet never ask questions.
Why?
I’ve been cooped up at home for almost a month now. Tomorrow I am required to leave my lumpy pillow behind and dress up. What is this “outside” that many speak of? I only love that which I know, that which is familiar and comfortable. Why would I venture anywhere else? I have forgotten what that awful word represents, and confess that I have no desire to remember. T_T
Ah man, the 2 year mark is closing in on me. It’s gonna be here so fast, i don’t even have proper time to prepare myself. It’ll just hit me, like everything hits me.
Like the memories that creep in, late at night. Or the details i don’t want to forget. Or the feelings, the emotions, every little thing my heart and soul feel. It always hits me, when i’m least prepared. Late nights, lonely late nights.
There’s still so much sadness.
And then there’s anger.
Because for fucks sake, i hate it when people ask if “im over it yet”. Or when people say we […]
Hey there. Did you miss me? Probably not.
A friend of mine convinced me to talk to him rather than post stuff here… That worked out for about a day.. and then I realised that I had too much shit and too many problems to just dump it all on him. The offer was nice at first, but.. I don’t even know how to begin talking to him.
I don’t know how to talk to anyone any more.
I don’t know how to begin telling my story, or even where to. I don’t know who’d care enough to listen or who’d just laugh in my face. I don’t […]
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