I haven’t come here for a long time, but this evening is just too much for me. More than anything, I need someone to take care of me tonight. I’m in so much of pain (physical) that I can barely stand or walk. I’m hungry, but I don’t have it in me to actually do something about it. I’ve been feeling so lonely recently, and this physical pain is making the emotional pain worse. I would love to have someone take care of me for a change, rather than me being the one that helps everyone else. But tonight, I am reminded just how alone […]
Tag:
Taking Up Space
I haven’t been on here for a really long time.
I thought thing’s were bound to get better. I am getting so sick and tired of people telling me what they think they should do, when in reality, they don’t even know what the hell is going on. I was late to school today, because my uncle was giving a speech about respecting my parents. I know that this is necessary. I’m not stupid and I’m not a bad child. I just don’t complain to the world like my parents do (well, except for this). No one know’s what goes on inside my head or behind […]
There’s nothing wrong with my life, besides the fact that I’m a useless leech. I’m 28 and haven’t done a damn thing with my life. I’ve always been told that it’s because I’m lazy, and I’ve accepted it. I’ve been sad for no *good* reason for most of my life (plenty of shallow reasons–too stupid, too ugly, too awkward, etc, etc). Attempted suicide once, many years ago. Woke up in intensive care to suffer massive guilt from my mother. My dad wouldn’t speak to me for almost a year after that–just flat out ignored me, though we lived in the same house. (Because of course […]
I am extremely tired. Happiness keeps teasin me. Everytime it feels like its finally in grasp and my lifes going to be ok, it slips right out of my hands. Somebody I thought was my friend screwed up my relationship a while back. We never got over each other. I still like him alot. My boyfriend now, doesnt make me alot happier. We only see each other literally maybe three times a year so we just text. In the middle of the convErsation he’ll leave without explanation…yay. Then he acts like it never happened. I flirted with my ex and sccidently went a little too […]
Yesterday, I got arrested for obstructing justice. My parents were not pleased, obviously. Especially my father. I don’t have a close relationship with my father, so I think it was pretty easy for him to disown me as his son. My mom tried to defend me and say that I’ve accompolished a lot in my lifetime, but then my dad pointed a finger at me and said, “when the fuck was the last time this stupid son of a ***** did ANYTHING right? Give me date!”. I wanted to stab him so bad… But then I realized he was right. I haven’t done shit with […]
I’ve always thought it’d be better if I was dead. When I found out I was born dead, as in not breathing and doctors and nurses rushing round because I wasn’t going to make it… it makes me laugh my f**king head off. I’m still here, today. What an achievement.
I don’t remember my first suicidal thought. I remember my last. It was a few seconds ago, as always. I think about it every day, but every day I don’t do a damn thing about it and wake up the next morning just to start over again. I’m pathetic like that. Tomorrow’s never going to get […]