Tag:

thought

Okay, picture this:

by Engie 10/3/2014

written by Engie

You just got out of a mental hospital a month ago and you see someone you met inside walking down the street with someone else. You really want to say ‘hi’ to her, but then the thought occurs to you that maybe the person she’s walking with doesn’t know she was in a mental hospital. Maybe he/she is like, a work colleague or something.

What would you say if she tries to introduce you to her friend? Would you make something up like “uh, yeah, we met in… um…” (come on, think, dammit, think!) “… church” (argh dammit why did I say that? I’m an atheist)

Do you just keep […]

10/3/2014 2 comments

blank

by neh 10/2/2014

written by neh

To have thought that I would ever ever be understood. Even by those closest to me. All those times that I keep allowing people to lead, to take decisions, to be unreasonable when things are not ok with them- not for once will it be reciprocated. It is a myth that people understand people, it is a myth that people are so close that they ‘get’ one another. No one understands anyone. That is the truth. One single truth. And everyone is there for themselves, convincing you how right they are, defeating you with their logic. At that time it does not matter how many […]

10/2/2014 3 comments

why are YOU still alive?

by 45caliberdeath 10/2/2014

written by 45caliberdeath

Still have hope for a better life?

Don’t want to cause pain to loved ones?

Don’t really want to be dead yet and just exploring the possibility of one’s “exit options”?

Use the thought of suicide just to self-sooth the pain?

Ambivalent about dying?

Lack of courage to commit suicide?

Procrastination on suicide?

Afraid of failing your attempt and ending up in a worse state?

Fear of death/hell/afterlife/God’s judgement?

Or something else?

I’m only here because I’m afraid of failing and ending up in a worse state… There are things far worse than death. For instance, my current life. But it would be much, much worse if I end up with brain injury and in […]

10/2/2014 22 comments

fucking family

by bluefeathers 10/2/2014

written by bluefeathers

you know what is SO fucked up? is that after someone commits suicide EVERYONE around the person is saying things like “oh she was such a great person” and “if she had only called i would have been there to listen, to help” but you know what? it’s fucking bullshit. i did what a suicide support website said – i reached out, far, on a limb and i thought hard of the smartest people i know, the people who have provided guidance and direction in the past. i decided to reach out to my aunt who i haven’t spoken to in over 10 years. i […]

10/2/2014 5 comments

oh how the years have gone

by diesel 10/1/2014

written by diesel

Im laying here in my bed. Wondering what kind of man i really am? I adore my children. I have a great job. My wife is good to me sometimes. Life shoukd be all dandy but its not!! My wife and i have been together for 7 almost 8 yrs. We fight alot and have grown distant, we differ on alot of things one being raising our kids theres her way(spoiling) then theres my way(stearn). Im blamed for being to hard on them because im the only one who is? Im the only one convinced im not a bad father. I fear my kids hate […]

10/1/2014 2 comments

Don’t know what to do anymore

by coolmehdown 9/27/2014

written by coolmehdown

Hey everybody, first thing I want to say is thanks for taking the time out of your day to read this.

My name is Chris, I am 16 years old and this is the first time I’ve ever thought about attempting suicide. I feel like I don’t have the balls to do it though. My life has been just horrible the past few years. I just need someone to talk to. Let me tell you my story:

About 10 years ago my sister ran away to get married. I was only 6 years old. My parents, my brother, my cousins, Etc never got to see the wedding. […]

9/27/2014 3 comments

notes

by death bunny 9/22/2014

written by death bunny

she told me to buy a notepad. a special one. i bought one that’s green because that’s my favorite color. then she told me to make a list of things that make me feel good, for times i can’t think straight and all i can think about is killing myself. i started writing.
listening to music.
reading a book.
writing.
smoking (cigarettes).
having sex.
taking the dog for a walk.

she told me to add new things every time i come up with ones. it does help sometimes. sometimes not. sometimes i’m so depressed i forget i have this notepad. it’s taking all of me.

anyway, thought […]

9/22/2014 5 comments

can someone please help.

by tma 9/21/2014

written by tma

no home, no friends, anymore. they think i dont care. no love, no hope, no qualifications, no school (depression sorted that out). i need somewhere to go where i can be myself and not be reminded i have a disgusting family that want to ruin my reputation and shit all over my fathers memory. now i feel like i have to push mum away because shes not doing it right. every single aspect of my life seems messed up. ive had it all my life “your life is like a soap”. yeah, well im never gunna forget my friend telling me that, in second year. […]

9/21/2014 3 comments

I hate ya

by gonna die 9/21/2014

written by gonna die

Wow my cousin is such a *****

i thought my family new that i was “gay”

well im actually bi but i’ll never tell them that

well my cousin looked at my history

and he thinks im gay why dose he care what i watched. And why dose he care what i do in my life hes my cousin for god sake he should worrie about his mum and himself

ohh godd i wish i could kill my self

but i cant

i even wished a car could kill me ahhh

-brian

9/21/2014 1 comment

dirty inside does not wash up in the shower

by death bunny 9/19/2014

written by death bunny

I felt dirty so I went to take a shower. Took off my clothes and waited for the water to warm up. As I entered the shower within a few minutes I entered the land of thoughts and memories. Sinking in those purifying water, I couldn’t straighten my thoughts to be less unholy. I thought, then I thought and thought again. Is soon, well, soon?

Before that, I was out. There was a couple there, married. Seemed happy. They have two kids and a house in the suburbs. I don’t know them. I only talked to them about nothing important. But I was talking to myself, questioning how does […]

9/19/2014 0 comment

whats my purpose…

by mrlopez1415 9/19/2014

written by mrlopez1415

This feeling of, ‘wanting to just die’ has last for about 4 years now. I’ve tried hanging myself multiple times, but I always fail… I use to walk down the road hoping a car would hit me. I’ve had close near death experiences from drugs and alcohol, but wonder why I hadn’t died? That raises the question to what is my purpose on this planet. Nowadays, I have no urge to kill myself, but just hopes that something would just end me instantly. So now I try to hope everyday, that a miracle (that I think in the back of my mind won’t happen) would […]

9/19/2014 1 comment

Sometimes is so difficult

by Abg 9/17/2014

written by Abg

Hello everyone, I’m 35, and I had deal with my fair share of depression since my teen years, but the crises didn’t last for long, but two years ago my mother passed away from cancer, my brother and I took care of her trough the whole disease it lasted for two years being the last 3 months of her life the most miserable ones, I tried to prepare myself to deal with her dying and the mourning phases but it has been already two years and the sadness keeps creeping up, it has been almost a month in which I have seriously contemplated the idea […]

9/17/2014 0 comment

????

by ella 9/15/2014

written by ella

I don’t understand I was so damn elated this morning and the past few days and I really thought my life was going to change for the long run but then out of fucking no where a deep sense of sadness hits me and im literally and figuratively aching at this point. This happens too damn often and its the worst??? Why cant I be constantly happy?? Hell, ill take content?? Fuck Ill go from rainbows and fucking rays of sunshine to a damn psycho contemplating whether to walk into a busy road?? I don’t understand?????

9/15/2014 3 comments

Farewell SP friends…

by Still Lost 9/15/2014

written by Still Lost

As some of you know, I tried most, if not all treatments out there… My psychiatrist abandoned me 6 months ago. We had a close relationship so it crushed me. She energized me and inspired me to do things I never had the courage to do myself. She got sick (but us better now) so she couldn’t manage me being suicidal. Even though she said we could reevaluate after 6 months, she won’t respond to my texts, emails or calls. She is really the only hope I had to get better and stay better. I left her a voicemail this morning saying that I will […]

9/15/2014 17 comments

No will.

by lorlypenguin 9/15/2014

written by lorlypenguin

I used to weigh 120 pounds…now I weigh 200 pounds…I gained all that weight in less than a year…My fiance had just recently come into money and I guess you could say “we lived the good life”…since then I’ve had nothing but hate for myself.. I take forever to get ready because none of my clothes fit me and I hate to look at myself…now it’s constantly the center of my fiance and I’s arguments..he just doesn’t seem to understand my pain…I used to get comments like of your pregnant? And oh wow why didn’t you say anything(about being pregnant)…and I wasn’t…the sad part is, […]

9/15/2014 1 comment

Only a month

by tupsa 9/14/2014

written by tupsa

On September 10th after what had possibly been the worst 2 months of my life, heartbroken for the 100th time in a row, alone, hopeless, I decided to give myself only one more month to live. I decided to be romantic about the date since is the first anniversary of the death of my second child.

I have to admit, a month sounded like no time at all but it has turned out to be quite long. Whit no affairs to sort, no family or friends to write to, no debts to clear (and no money to pay them if I had them) no job to […]

9/14/2014 0 comment

Overtaken again

by nozmoking 9/13/2014

written by nozmoking

Everything has caught up to me again and I am once again obsessed with putting a bullet in my brain. I should have seen it coming – I’ve let things build up. Old ghosts, a recent death of someone once more important to me than life itself, old pain and new pain. The shit has piled up on me and I am suffocating.

I should know better. I should deal with things as they come. But I just can’t. I don’t have that much control over my own life. I am such a useless piece of crap to myself and to everyone around me. It doesn’t […]

9/13/2014 3 comments

Before turning the gun on himself…

by sal_yo 9/12/2014

written by sal_yo

Yes I got the title from Doug Stanhope (one of dopest). I felt it very appropriate considering how I plan to end it all. Sept. 14th my birthday. Perfect. I don’t wish to go into the details of my heart ache, I just want the pain and loneliness to cease. One shotgun from Walmart $150, box of shells $10, alleviation from thirty four years of emotional upheaval fucking priceless.

9/12/2014 5 comments

Unprempted Survivor

by Scarlett Dawn 9/12/2014

written by Scarlett Dawn

I thought I had finally found the perfect method. Tbh, I had in my time frame and with what I could get in possession of.

Yet destiny must have thought against my wishes and I was revived in time.

Last Friday night I injected just over 5mg of ithium methadone (not being a junkie, I missed my vien) swallowed approx 230mg of water dissolved fluoxetine cognitive mixture and a bottle of JD to try and OD.
I was in an induced coma for three days then in ICU at Redcliffe for two with breathing, feeding, etc tubes down my throat and needles sticking out of me everywhere. […]

9/12/2014 4 comments

Missing.

by fairmount 9/9/2014

written by fairmount

It took me a long time to get to this place. Don’t we all want to be clean? I know i did. I didn’t want to live with the hidden cuts, the physical heaviness of my chest, a head so foggy i could barely grasp my own thoughts. I didn’t want to look after every one around me just to make sure no one tried to look after me. I wanted to be my own person. Look after myself. Fix myself. Be a normal person. Live happy. happy. happy. happy.It was infuriating. Cut to be happy. Cut because i’m not happy. Could i please die […]

9/9/2014 2 comments

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