My high school orientation was yesterday. I’ve never been so afraid!! In elementary school there were only 60 students in my grade but, then I go to orientation with over 400 students my age. Holy shit. I’ve never felt so intimidated. Looking at all the pretty girls made me feel even more ugly and looking at all the attractive guys made me feel even more pathetic. Why am I so afraid of what people will think of me? School hasn’t even started yet and I’m already crying and freaking out. I just want to kill myself so that when I do eventually commit suicide, I […]
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Tigers
Professional psychological counseling is still two weeks away, been treading water while friends hit me with oars. To help me, I guess. That’s what it feels like sometimes. The lies they tell me to “comfort” me have been exposed once more by their behavior and thoughtlessness and it sickens me and drags me deeper, even though it was meant to help. That life vest seems pretty appealing, then you put it on, and then they tell you “by the way, it’s made of concrete”. Down you go.
For longer than I can remember, I say I am a unhappy, existence is meaningless, people are deluded, the […]