I quit my job and moved across the country so that I could afford living without a job while I apply to grad programs. At the same time as studying for the GRE, I got engaged to be married. You’d think it would be a really exciting time in my life, but the same two months I was going to use for improving my GRE score ended up being dedicated to wedding planning. Wedding planning was a nightmare, I felt extremely depressed, and then I would beat myself up for feeling depressed during a time I was supposed to be happy. Oh yeah, I forgot […]
Tag:
trying
Once upon a time ago, there was a little girl that honestly couldn’t have pictured a more perfect life. She was a successful athlete, had friends, a great girlfriend, but apparently that just wasn’t enough to help her survive. Where she grew up, if you were a good athlete you were automatically popular, so she was popular. But she didn’t like feeling superior to others, so she kept the friends she grew up with. However, they weren’t athletic so this girl that once had it made was now getting talked shit on by the whole high school. Why would they spread such harsh things about […]
The ‘no harm in trying’ spell no longer works to motivate me. I think of my failures, how it became almost constant, and I just lose faith in any light of hope.
Now, there is ‘no point in trying’ at all. Everything isn’t worth it anymore.
Living in a country in which the majority of its people has very little, if any, empathy on ‘suicide’, I really don’t think killing myself is gonna change anything. People do not care.
I’m stuck. So badly. I just can’t go on.
I am so tired. My method so easy. It’s just so unfair how easy, painless, and certain it will be.
I keep coming to the same two doorways. Both lead me here.
Behind one is that I am right and I am in fact good for nothing but working day in and day out. That I’m worth no more than what could be traded for money and in the long run, a comfortable place to enjoy loneliness in a body with genes that nobody would prefer to pass onto their least favorite kind of mushrooms.
Behind the second is that I am wrong and in fact crazy. That […]
Hey guys,
Basically, my life has been a life of lies. I’ve lied to almost everyone i’ve met. I’ve dissapointed my parents, my school life, and myself. And im getting kicked out tonight. Any advice on how to live? I’m 16, so many opportunities are already out the window. Please help, and thank you.
BTW: I have no money, no car (am using a bike), and I have a netbook (really shitty)that I’m trying to find an online school with.
Well last night was defiantly an interesting one. But now I’m left with a difficult task. I could tell something was up with my boyfriend with the way he would hardly talk . I knew something was bugging him but what he told me I was not expecting to hear at all. for about the past two years me and my bf have been together everyone was really happy about it except for one person. My little sister she pretty much hates him and it hurts me cause most of the time I have to play referee when they are near each other. Hes been […]
I have listened to the advice given on my last post, which was quite a while ago. I have been hoping that getting another dog would make me more happy. I believe that she has. She loves me and I love her. The sad part is that she is my only true friend in this world. At the same time I have been trying to chat to women my own age. They do not seem to be interested in me. The only women who are would be very young women. They do not need to be with me because they have their whole life ahead […]
Hey guys, I’m 16 years old. and I am just trying to leave this house. I’m a disappointment to not only my parents, but my school, my sisters, and my life as well. I just wanted to know, how the hell am I supposed to get by. I’ve been kicked out of my house before, however the most I’ve spent is about 2 weeks outside before they allowed me back in. I just can’t stay here anymore. It not only will hurt them, but it’s eating me inside too. I can’t seem to see a future for myself. I’m flunking out of high school, I’m […]
I don’t want to kill myself..I want to live my life and be happy. I’m trying so hard to hold it together but I’m fucking it all up. I have so much to live for it shouldn’t be this fucking hard to stand confident.
I finally met this beautiful girl that likes me and wants to spend time and she’s already catching on to my depression. I’ve shown enough good parts of myself to make her see I’m a great guy but I literally can’t control the way I feel when I’m all alone. I’m fucking this all up. No, No this can’t be me..it […]
I came home from a 12 hour shift at work, and saw this old picture in my phone. We seemed so happy at the time, and all I can think about is how much we were in love, but now as the tears stre down my face, all I can think about is the pain. When I’m alone, I can’t help but have dark thoughts of ending it all because I couldn’t imagine my life without you. You were the one that made life worth living. I know that people say that I’ll get over it, but right now the only thing I’m trying […]
Ok, soap box time.
I have to comment about Brittany Maynard, a terminal cancer patient, and her decision to end her life through assisted suicide. And about Kara Tippetts, who is battling metastatic breast cancer.
First off I wish to say I applaud both women for making tough and brave choices.
That being said Kara Tippetts wrote an open letter that lobbies for Brittany to reverse her decision. Her argument is made on primarily religious grounds.
My point is not who is right or wrong but rather how the argument is made.
If Kara had said in an article/blog that assisted suicide is wrong, fine. […]
I’ve been super crazy busy and I hate that I don’t have time to come on here and read posts, comment or write anything. You are all awesome and have been so amazing to me, so I just wanted to pop in and say hi and that I’m still here, just working a lot and busy trying to find a second job. Crazy crazy life never slows down, haha.
I hope you all are well and hopefully I’ll get my schedule balanced out soon. I miss chatting with you guys.
<3
EK
And I still can’t do anything.
It doesn’t even feel like something big hanging over my head, I know it’s coming, I know there is probably several possibilities to avoid it, but at this point, I just don’t care anymore.
I thought maybe the closer it got and it would be that kick in the butt I needed to do something, do anything. Instead it’s just more of the same, the days are the same as they’ve always been. But it doesn’t upset me, it doesn’t even worry me, I know it’s going to happen, and I realize what it means. And I still just don’t […]
The Myth: People who intentionally cut, burn, or otherwise injure themselves are either trying to kill themselves or looking for attention.
Many people, particularly teenagers, who suffer from a variety of mental disorders cope with their inner pain by physically harming themselves, most commonly by cutting. Self-injury seems to be becoming more common and well-known these days, but myths about the self-injurer’s intentions have not gone away.
No matter what it looks like, self-injury is not a failed suicide attempt. Some self-injurers harm themselves over and over for years without having a single injury that would threaten their life, which would be an amazing record of failure […]
Anyone else?
Like that many gods are currently walking the earth, with special powers bringing about miraculous change in the world.
You dear reader, may be one for all I know.
My life on this planet so far has sucked in a big way and I frequently want out, but I have committed myself instead to trying to create a new world from the ashes of the old.
I have seen many visions and dreamed many dreams. My ‘crazy’ reality is way realer than what this mundane existence would indicate.
I’m here because I want out of all of this shit every bit as much as any of you. But […]
Hey guys, I feel like I haven’t been on here in ages. I just spent my whole weekend founding an organization and building a website and social media pages for it. A lot of you know how difficult my life has been since my husband passed away last November. And it’s not been for lack of trying or anything, just lack of money and a support network.
Well, that being said, I founded the Young Widow Fund. There are oodles of younger women and men who have lost their spouses and have been left to just flounder due to circumstances that are out of their control. […]
I just don’t feel happy anymore the last time I remember being happy was Friday morning for about 30 seconds. My roommate is being verbally abusive and I go to bed every night and wake up every morning depressed. I want to change rooms but the other people don’t have a roommate cuz they left so something has to be wrong with them. My roommate tells me I have no butt or boobs, I’m scared to get dressed cuz shes gonna find something wrong with my body. You might say that i don’t need to care what she thinks but I’ve struggled with body image […]
Does anyone else really dislike activists?
I suppose what I really mean is zealots in general, whether its religious, political, or ideological. Just anyone that is so completely convinced in their own beliefs for any cause that they are totally uncompromising and fanatical about it. Just the self righteous arrogance of it. Obviously we all have our own beliefs and obviously since they are our beliefs we think they are the correct beliefs. If we didn’t think they were correct we wouldn’t believe in them. So I find it annoying when people are so passionate about their own dogma that they constantly have to proselytize about […]
Everyone hates the attention seekers. The ones who always say things to get others attention and pity. The ones who tell someone every inch of his or her personal, tragical and dramatic life just to get a reaction. Attention seekers disgust everyone. People are sick of them.
One thing I hate most about myself, is that I kind of am an attention seeker. I do things to get others pity without even noticing it. It’s like there’s two sides of me; a side who does everything possible to get attention, pity and all the things I wrote about earlier, and a side, who doesn’t want to […]
Yet again, I don’t know why I keep posting here while I can just do it and get it over with but I got exhausted already of trying to hang myself over 10 times today exploiting the chance that my brothers are out and only me left home and I wanted to talk to someone about my failure. As much as I’m committed to dying I don’t want to feel so much pain in my windpipe (swallowing) while trying to hang myself. Maybe I’m doing it wrong? It’s partial suspension I’m attempting and by a belt. My larynx seems to be the only problem that […]