This is weird for me because I’ve never done anything like this, but this seems like the only thing I have to run to. I want to kill myself, plain and simple. I’m tired of living. I feel worthless and like a waste of space. I hate everything about me. I’m a selfish person and I only care about myself. I hurt everyone around me with my unhappiness. I’m seeing a therapist for anxiety but it doesn’t seem like its working because the pain always come back. I’m so sick of feeling dead inside. Everyday I think of suicide but I don’t have the guts. […]
Tag:
Waste Of Space
the amassing depression. the self-loathing, self put down. the little voice in my head telling me that i should just kill myself and be free. my fucking straight edge calling me from the drawer. my psych meds transforming into an image of freedom. fuck fuck fuck!!! how wonderful it would be, the bus driver not being able to stop in time. or the gun salesman not knowing my true intention. fuck here come the fucking tears. the kind of sadness that make me feel weak and lonely. except for the fact that i am alone and lonely. i’m a pathetic excuse for a human being. […]
It feels as if there is no light in the distance, just pitch black darkness. I wake up feeling like a failure knowing that my parents keep thinking when am I going to do something with my life and just not hang around being a waste of space.there’s no better way I can put this knowing that it all feels true, to feel there’s no need for me to breath. *sigh* why is it that I still breathe, why is it that everyday I wake and feel the same way. Is that the purpose of my life to feel like a worthless piece of nothingness. […]
I tried to become a better person. To stop the things that make me hate myself so much.
I talked about this before but it’s starting to become a big problem again.
Thinking about it makes me want to vomit. I’m so disgusted with myself and the situation.
I just made it to partner 32, yay for the whore!
I was doing so well, three months. No sex. I was so proud of myself. But then they came back. And because I’ve been avoiding instead of dealing with the problem directly I crumbled.
I did say no, I did move his hand when he tried to touch me. I tried […]
For some reason I feel I have to constantly punish myself for every mistake I make but am so unrelentingly harsh on myself everyone notices it, and sometimes ask why? I’ve always felt like I’m a total waste of space and often look at people around my age, 39, or younger who are successful and feel really threatened… and I think, what’s wrong with me? I mean I’m not exactly uneducated, unintelligent or untalented yet I feel like I’m such an utter loser and total failure in life I wanna hide forever. That I’m a fucked up, no hoping basket case! I used to have a […]
Ok, so apparently, being suicidal is a bad thing.
They approach my “condition” with scorn.
They ask me, “Why can’t you just be normal like everyone else?”
They throw pills in my face and tell me to get better… As if it was that simple. LOL… I’m a waste of space in this morbid world, and, pills aren’t going to make it all better. So far, they haven’t. And it’s been quite some time now. 🙁
Honestly, I don’t wanna be like this… ‘I am (in the words of Korn) clearly broken and no one knows what to do’~ >_>
So apparently, being suicidal is a […]
This is a vent or rant. I believed life would be fair. I watched tv and it rotted my brain.
I thought one day I would meet a special guy. I met one that I thought was special 9 years ago. He really made me forget about the guy I had a crush on for few years. This man was my first boyfriend at 28 years old. You can believe I thought I would have met a guy that actually was attracted to me before then, but that did not happen. Now I question what if any feelings the guy I met back then had for […]
Older Posts