It all started when I was little. I would look up at other kids doing things and I would wonder: why? why are they doing all that? I know, there are existentialist questions and I am kinda existentially depressed. The meds cannot get as far as my body and I do feel better physically, I don’t feel stress as intensely as before and I don’t think about suicide. And yet, I do think that suicide is the only way to end life because that’s the obvious truth. I don’t want to live it, it’s beautiful but boring. I have lived on this earth for nineteen […]
Tag:
Will Power
Its funny how all the planning and commitment can go out of the window once faced with the prospect of jumping. Originally i was going for a shotgun but i cant afford the gun, ammo, travel and bullets. This time of year a bridge would be perfect because of the freezing water coupled with the long drop. Its weird though… i wrote the note, really believed i was going to do it (this is my first time ever) and i just couldn’t bring myself to go over. I must have paced back and forth at least 10 times, and every time i went to go […]
I have been contemplating the final act for weeks on end. My roomate just left for work so the apartment is mine if I choose to do so. The only way out is a rope, I dont have access to any pills this time. I think about the actuall moment of loosing conscieness. I have a video of a person which posted his suicide online from hanging. I’ve watched it 10 or 20 times over the last year and a half. His body isn’t completely suspended meaning he could have stood up at any point before passing out to stop his suicide. I have never […]