I promised I would tell my life story a few weeks ago.I feel like such a lier by not doing it when I said I would…..
I have to divide my life story into parts becouse there so much I have to say and so little time to put it all down.This story is also diffucult to put down becouse I feel like I’m to self-centerd.It seems like I only care about myself and nobody eles wich might explain why I’m alone most of the time in my life.For example,if your around sombody who only talks about “Me,me,me,I,I,I, “Well I myself” ect. Nobody wants to hand out with them and I feel like I’m like that.I might not be able to add anything to my lifes story for a wile but,I can garrintie you(the reader) that I will finish my lifes story before I end my life.To anbody who reads my life story,Thanks it means a lot to me.
I’m not sure where to start as I usully do.Sould I start it around the time I concerted that suicide is my only way out or the events leading up to wanting to do it?……..I’ll go as far back as I can and I’ll try not to leave out any details that I could remember.
My lifes story part 1
I don’t remember much about being a baby.I suppose this is concered normal to most people.I do remember being in preschool.I remember being the new kid at a new school.I remember haveing breakfast at the table(I can’t remember what it was I’m sorry).I remember still siting their at the table wile all the outher children were sitting cross leged on the floot wile I was introduced as the new studient and I remember everybody was looking at me and remember looking back at them and smileing.After a few moments when I was finished eating I got up,walked over to the red trash can,threw my trash away,and went to sit with the outher children.Of course I diden’t know how to sit cross leged and was forced in the prezeled “indain style as they put it” posision lissioning to the outher children laughf at me trying to sit “normal” and watching Cliford with them.Perhaps It was at that time that I should’ve known that my life would be different then that of a normal person but, what is normal anyways?
I think this is where my intrest in art picked up at even though I was like 4-5 years old at the time but, diden’t relly foces my life on art untill I was around 12-14 years old(I’ll also talk about this in my later posts).Now I don’t remember much of art as a little kid and why I remember takeing a try with a pice of paper in it and rolling marbles covered with yellow,red,blue,and green paint remainds a mystery to me.This might be where my recent interst in abstract art started at.(As I can’t draw varry well wich will alos be reveled later on)Just rolling the marbles and watching the marbles change the wightness of the paper into lines of different paint for some reason amazed me and even now that I’m older I remember doing it like it was yesterday.Afterwords I remember washing my hands(wich was cold water if I remember correctly)seeing the mixture of paint on my hands wash away in the clearness of the water mixing it all together and becoming clearer and fadeing away in the sink,drying my hands off with a brown paper towl,and joining thou outher classmates outside for resses.Even then I don’t remember having any friends…..
I think next is kidnergarden.I’m not to sure becouse even now I get them mixed up.
Kidnergarden for me was different for me and I remember being the new kid in a new school all over again but,this time it was different becouse I acully started with the rest of the studients.Now(like I said I hate myself for being self-centered) I remember a few more things in kidnegarden.I think I was happier then I was in preschool but my memories a bit hazey about it.I don’t know if all of these things all happend all in order or not but,I’ll try my best….
Fist thing off the back is I remember watching the HunchBack of Northerdawn by disney around that time and everytime I see the video in my life,rather it be brought up or if I see that tape somwhere,I remember watching it back then.Then again it could’ve been the trailer to the film.I think it was arount this time when I meet my first”girlfriend” as she put it.I remember her name was vanessia and her skin han a little darker tone to it but she wasen’t colered(please don’t take any racioal offince to it.)She seemed like my only friend at the time and I remember wanting to spend time with her.She always wanted to play house.It was kind of set up like one or thouse playschool houses where everything’s plastic.Like the plastic food,sliverware,ext and I remember her telling my mom that she was my “girlfriend” and she wanted to grow up to be a Teacher wile I wanted to grow up to be a Doctor……I remember telling my mouther at that young age becouse I wanted to make people feel better.I (for some reason) remember my mom telling me I need to do more scieance then play “house” with Vanessia.I remember one thing in the scienance was “Danceing popcorn” wich as I know now as bakeing soda and water with pop corn.
I think this is also where I meet my first bullie named Garet.Well,he wasen’t a bullie at first.I remember once time I had to go to the restroom one time and I had to relly go and remember hearing the teacher say”Alright (My name)just give me a moment” but,I had to relly go.So I remember takeing the keys from her and standing on Garet’s back to unlock the “boys” restroom and remember her graping me and unlocking the door and I went inside and did my buissness and after I was done and washed my hands she had a talk with me about it.I don’t remember the hole converstaion but,I do remember her saying”why diden’t you lission to me?”Looking back at my life now….I wondered if I ever lissioned to anybody who was trying to protect me from danger…
Theirs a few minor thing that I remember.Like cleaning the taples where ever I was sitting to go out side for ressess and rideing a bike around the playground.I remember Vanessia kissing me on the cheak and the teacher telling me for her not to do it anymore.I remember doing show and tell and takeing a blue power ranger from his cubby and putting it my backpak…..their so many small things that I remember….
At this time I wich I can continue more on my story but,I’m afraid I have to go now………….I’ll continue right were i left off on my next post.