I have had a plan for a month now. I have the date circled in my diary…and it is coming up soon.
Do I choose to play out this plan? Do I choose to cut my body and overdose? Or do I choose life?
I want my friends to find me…maybe even save me if they get to me in time. I want them to know that I can no longer take been second best. I am so sick of been pushed around, taken advantage of. It’s like my feelings don’t even matter to them. My friends are all I have in this world….without them I am nothing. So when I feel like I’m losing them I panic.
If someone found me they could save me. If someone found me, they might finally know of the pain in which I endure everyday.
But if I do this…and I survive…it means I have to start all over again. I’ll probably lose my job, I’ll be in even more financial ruin, my family will hate me…my friends too.
I just can’t handle reality, I can’t handle the consequences of life.
3 comments
Live!! 🙂
I know how you feel, you want someone to find you and rescue you from life that seems like hell.
Someone IS going to find you. And rescue you.
It is you.
We were born indivisually.
We all have indivisual souls.
We all have our own thoughts and feelings.
Sure a friend or a lover sounds good, but it’s better if you save yourself.
Yes, you will need help from people,
But help will come if you ask desparately.
What you “plan” to do is unnatural, but if you just wait friendships and love and miracles will happen naturally.
It’s like a woman trying to change herself using plastic surgery. It’s so unnatural.
It’s like a teenage girl stuffing her bra with tissues. It’s unnatural but it will become natural.
So why don’t you wait a little longer to see who comes by and helps you off your knees?
You will hurt your friends if you kill yourself.
They will be affected so much with negativity…
Guilt.
Regrets.
Depression.
What you’re saying right now is that you want your friends to feel how you feel right now.
Lifeless as you count the days to go…
Sick and tired of being yourself…
This might be a possibility, but probably your friends ARE going to turn suicidal if you kill yourself.
Just one man’s action could change everybody else’s.
And don’t take risks man…
What if help comes 5 seconds late?
What if no one can find you?
What if you do get saved; you’ll be turned into the mental hospital by your friends.
It sucks there.
No privacy, there are people who are spying on you everywhere…
And that just makes life even worse.
And also, you don’t know what’s gonna happen if you die.
You might feel nothing!
You might be in forever pain. Hurtful than now.
You might be stuck in time…
If you want your friends’ attention, then ask.
All you gotta do is ask….
Also, you never know what’s gonna happen tomorrow.
You might win the lottery.
Meet a new person who might turn out to be your best friend.
Meet a new lover….
Anything.
If you kill yourself but it fails,
All of your friends will be terrified and scared and suffer from trauma.
They will soon walk away- no, RUN away from you because they’re so scared.
Think about it before you do anything.
Listen Zabelli,
I’m sure that the last 2 posts probably weren’t of much help. I hope I’m wrong, but they wouldn’t be for me. You know why? Because like you, suicide is a possible reality to me that can’t just be dismissed with positive writing. Yeah, feeling better must ultimately come from within, but sometimes a friend or an experience is needed to jump-start it.
Do you live or do you die? Well, if you choose to live, dying will always been an option. The opposite isn’t true, also. Once you die, you die. And if you attempt to kill yourself but fail, perhaps you never truly intended on dying in the first place. Maybe you secretly knew that it would fail, but you knew it would gain a lot of attention. Realizing this now, before you attempt it, think of another way you could get peoples’ attention in the same way, so as not to hurt yourself.
It seems like a lost cause and it may even feel embarassing, but it sounds like a very serious matter, so I might suggest that you invite your close friends and perhaps some family over for a meeting to explain all of this. Crying is necessary. You might as well give it a go, unless something else helps?