Look at that fucking failure

Hello all,
I’m 18, male. I’ve been seriously considering suicide for well over a year now, I’m what you’d call a slacker I guess but I have reasons that I know my family will not understand… work seems like a waste of life, I have social anxiety also which is a major contributing factor, and because of that I isolate myself in my room most of the time. I’ve gotten into a habit of staying up all night and sleeping most of the day. I usually think about life and existence on this ridiculous planet to try and push myself towards actually ending it but I always come to the conclusion that it’s not worth it, it’ll never be worth it. Just when I think I’m motivated to go out and do something incredible I feels as if I hit a bouncing wall and end up back at the start. I only have one friend but we only meet when he wants which is usually once a month, I don’t care though he’s to different to me nowadays, he’s always wanting to get drunk and go to parties to have sex with sluts. I havn’t done anything really productive since 2009, I worked at KFC but because I’m not a people person and I wasn’t motivated to learn all the stupid combos I ended up just keeping the fridges and potato and gravy stocked, because of this they only had me work 2 days a week and 3hrs a day. I was pathetic, they should of fired me. The other employees tried talking to me from time to time, I always responded to them and wasn’t rude, I just never showed any enthusiasm cause I don’t enjoy small talk. After 8 months I quit. I quit school at the beginning of 2009 before I considered looking for a job, I don’t want to go get any other form of education cause I’m simply not interested in any professions. 2010 was a stay at home lazy year for me. During 2010 nearly everytime a cousin or uncle would visit they’d always ask “so what job are gonna look for” and I’d usually reply “I don’t know, something” and they’d say “you gotta do something with your life”… I can always tell though there thinking get off your ass fucking slacker. My mum always get’s angry over me not been interested in life but I don’t think she really enjoy it if I went to work, my 3 other siblings are only nice when they want to be or when their calm, they think because they work they don’t have to do shit around the house but they aren’t working to help the family with anything except themselves. I always help around the house and show respect to my mum and I am polite. I’m not a kiss ass, it’s just the way I’ve reacted growing up from being the youngest and not wanting to be like my siblings who’d probably punch a hole in the wall from been forced to do something they don’t wanna, call me a hypocrite. But being suicidal isn’t because of family or some disaster, it’s because of my thinking, the way I view the world. We’re never truly free in our lifetimes, we have to work to “live” or suffer to be free, homeless. If you wanna be happy you have to work for money to get that exciting and loving pet or risk ruining your life stealing things. Like I said it’s real hard to explain… Why is it some people get to go outer space or be a racecar driver and yet that kid who can only dream get’s told “you can do anything if you put your mind to it” ends having their spirit bullied out of them at school (that’s not me, it’s just a reference). It’s a load of fucking bull, while there are people who have money falling out of their pockets complaining about their carefree lives, WE have to accept our place on this planet as little ants whom no-one beyond our class really gives a shit about. The government is a great example, the majority of people WANT world peace… the government doesn’t listen, they just take people’s money and spend on projects only they think are worthwhile, some are good but… you have to understand what a life IS, unique in every way, an actual person, take what you feel of yourself and imagine it in every face you see in unlimited variations… most people do not truly see this, they understand they’re not the centre of everything but they do not understand that every face is a lifelong story that ONLY that owner will ever TRULY understand. Governments don’t give a flying fuck about their people, maybe as a whole but definetly not as individuals… in war if a civilian gets killed it’s collateral, for the greater good… why didn’t they just be friendly to other countries and avoid all the hate. The governments keep secrets, they have new power sources but keep the old ones for more profit… Money, what the fuck is the point of money… in the end what is the purpose of money, that’s where most go wrong, sure you can buy great stuff, have a great life, but you still die… all the things you bought will go to waste, all that hard work will go to waste. I’m thinking long scale here (guess it doesn’t really apply to money) time is not ifinite on the Earth, the planet will eventually dissappear from existence, whether where still around or not, this is billions of years in the future… all of humanity’s existence will dissappear with it as well, the pyramids or stonehenge for example seem incredible to have survived this long by us, but (hard to explain) no matter how big or indestructible something is, it HAS to dissapppear… in other words why can’t people see since time and life is precious then why not change the world to be a more generous, free and welcoming place.

…But yeah, that sounds crazy so I’ll quit bitching now.

-MyChoice